Loyalty
by Aura
Summary: Loki x OC story. Dere (OC) is tied into Loki's past and wants to help him while he cannot remember her. But, he won't turn down a chance to get free of the dungeons.
1. Chapter 1

**Quick AN's:** This takes place after Avengers but is AU to the events in TDW. I worked on it for some time but took it down for personal reasons. A friend of mine convinced me to put it up again. Many chapters will likely be incoming.

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter One:** _**We Meet Again for the First Time**_

"_Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty though good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses."_

_**-Ann Landers**_

_**I can still recall very well that first night I finally met winter.**_

_Tiny white flakes of snow shimmering in unison with the starlight as they leisurely drifted to the ground. Only to vanish where they touched. It was the very first fall of that winter and the dirt wasn't yet chilled enough for the precipitation to stick. I all but shook with excitement as I watched out my window._

_I had grown up in a climate where there were no winters, Alfheim was almost purely Spring in the area where I'd lived. So the altering of the leaves, followed by these chill winds and bewitching weather were fascinating to me._

_So intrigued, I used stealth to escape from my room. One of the dorms where the ladies studying to be suitable courtier's for the future princes or other nobility were housed. Normally I would abide to the rules, nearly to a fault – but I couldn't contain the curiosity once I'd noticed that the flurries were coming down. I hadn't even thought to stop for a coat – far too excited about this new experience to remember the warnings as to how cold the snow on Asgard could become in it's winter months. I ran right out into the gardens, my heart racing enough to ignore the chill in the air in favor of the magnificence that awaited. The allure and promise of majesty in something new..._

_I found a clearing, a higher area where I could run and catch the ice on my skin, even if it was chill, wet, I couldn't help but laugh. It was wonderful, and far too fun to let myself go after all the stuffy etiquette lessons to run back for a coat. _

_I was running, spinning, laughing, enjoying myself despite being old enough that such behavior would be frowned upon by most. It was when I came crashing, rather literally, into the boy that would come to define my fate._

_I doubt I looked as graceful as I'd felt leading up to that moment. My jumps across the grass ended as I slammed into another youth – a boy about my age by his height and build. He cried out but it was too late, I was already in the air, and I didn't even get a glance at his face before we both went down in a tangle of limbs trying to catch myself with meaningless flailing before I felt arms wrap around me and I landed on something softer than the ground._

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_"I'm being given a trial?"_ Loki had to admit that this surprised him far more than anything else since his imprisonment began. Had Frigga managed to talk Odin into such a thing despite his prior indication of a life sentence in the prisons below? Either way the guards hadn't offered him any answers after they'd announced it – only shackled him in more chains to lead him to speak with his council.

Not that it seemed he should expect much.

The small office they'd dumped him in before standing outside was hardly impressive. His cell was twice as large. If anything, it seemed more like a slightly grander cubicle than some of the other workers that weren't given walls between their desks. It lacked the touch of personal details – none of pictures or decorations that many other workers possessed in the larger room where the bookkeeping of the offices took place. Where most of the workers remained – why had they brought him to the library for a one on one with his law councilor?

The sparse furniture consisted of two chairs on either side of a desk. One presumably for any guests this claustrophobic's nightmare would receive. Then another for the person that would be working – the later had considerable more age and obvious signs of use than the former. The pillow was nearly flat where his own at least offered some minor comfort – the arms were discolored where motion of arms had worn down the polish. Below the furniture sat a rug that had lost whatever imagery it might have once possessed to age. Stacks of boxes covered every inch of wall – so if there were ever hangings they were lost in the sea of unfinished paperwork. The desk was unlike the room, in that it held a clear organization. There was an in and out box – each in it's respective corner and filled with generous stacks of papers but neither of which overflowed onto the central area where work would take place. It lacked the layer of dust he might expect from such a place. A sign that while whoever worked here was clearly busy- they still moved fast enough to keep such a layer from building. That or the cleaning crews for this area of the palace were more impressive than he remembered.

"I will be fine alone." He heard the female voice reassuring the guard outside as he finished his short inspection. She had a vague accent hidden in a clipped enunciated speech that showed it was likely this wasn't her first language. Not surprising, across the nine realms there were many that learned multiple languages to communicate with the plethora of races that exist. Most Asgardian's were required to learn at least a half-dozen and he spoke a few dozen. Her confidence to be unconcerned of danger, even in the presence of a shackled god he took for ignorance. Until she walked in and past him to her desk. One of the guards shut the portal after her so they were left alone.

The first thing he noticed was that she was not fully Aesir, her ears were slightly pointed and there was a paleness to her skin that was rare even amongst bookkeeping Asgardians. Her skin was a healthy peach but still pale, smooth and unblemished. Made to look darker by the platinum hair that was pulled back from her face. There was a small weave and the rest of the ponytail cascaded like quicksilver to her lower back – not put up her hair probably easily would fall to her hips. Small points of ears poked from the mercury to give away her partial heritage as a light elf.

She wore a simple flowing dress of expensive fabric – the current fashion of Asgard as they were still in the height of summer. A pale lavender color, folded slightly in the back as if there was something beneath the layer of clothing that disturbed the silks from laying smooth. In the lobes of her ears were teardrop shaped hematite earrings. Her eyes were a darker violet that complimented the pale color of her dress. She turned the unique gaze on him after she'd gracefully seated herself at the desk.

This half-elf wasn't born a common bookkeeper – no, the way she carried herself was too smooth. Some might dismiss that on her clear heritage but Loki had met enough of the light elves in his time to know they weren't all born with such grace. She was familiar, and yet he was certain had he met a half-light elf before now that he would remember her quite clearly. While he'd met his fair share of elves, half-breeds were far from common.

He was half tempted to ask if he knew her, but that would play far from where he wanted his hand. Instead he stared back at her, malachite gaze meeting amethyst, at first he considered waiting for her to speak first but she seemed hesitant. Her face was clear – elves were damnably good at poker when they wanted to be – but he noticed a flicker of sadness that was so brief he wasn't certain if he'd mistaken it.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of my relocation to this musty cave?" He drawled, leaning back in the chair he was given, legs splayed open slightly in the manner he was most comfortable. He might as well make the most of his temporary reprieve from his cell – even if this currently seemed a downgrade.

"I am here to represent you my lord. The all-father has been convinced that you deserve a trial before a sentence as permanent as the one he placed." The elf replied, her tone held a clipped politeness – the sort of thing he might expect on earth from a human selling something in a shop.

"Frigga I presume, how kind of her to speak on my behalf." Loki sighed, he already knew there was a lack of things interesting to distract himself with on the walls so he continued to watch her. "I take it you owe my mother something to take up so loathsome a position as to be my defender."

"No." Her head canted slightly with the simple statement. The second sign of real emotion he'd seen from the rather unusual half-elf. Light elves were normally cheerful, happy-go-lucky, and honest to a fault – though they loved games and could be frightening at any field they chose to pursue. They enjoyed their long lives in a way Loki always assumed Asgardian's never would. But he'd found they made wonderful party goers in his visits to Alfheim. This woman wasn't going to give him anything. The only time he'd ever seen light elves so serious was in battle – or at the card table.

So what was her game? No one cared for Loki, why would anyone speak on his behalf? Unless she was assigned by Odin – in which case he could only end up worse than he was before this trial started. Perhaps that was the all-father's plan, he would have to tread carefully.

"Why would a light elf care to defend me? What's in it for you? Do you work for Odin?" Loki asked, the world worked in currency and that need not be money. No one would stand up for him if they weren't compensated or didn't expect to be paid in full later.

"I work for the all-father in the sense that I am one of his lore keepers, but I volunteered for this position. Odin's allowance of your trial was on the grounds that someone must choose to represent you themselves." She answered, it sounded honest but he knew just how good elves were at gambling.

"You're dressed higher than an average bookkeeper, the threads used in your clothing are more expensive than what they could afford on the salaries allotted. You move as if you were trained to be dexterous, I can assume you were trained at some point as a courtier. So you expect something in return should I get free of my cell or my title returned?"

Loki wasn't insulted, in anything it impressed him that someone would take such a risk. Being owed the favor of a sorcerer of his ability was nothing to sneeze at after all. All he got in return was another flicker of sadness. No irritation, no hate, no lust for power, so why on earth would she help him? Was she some fool that pitied him? Her answer didn't make him any more comfortable about this new predicament.

"I wish to see justice done. It is my duty to see that all the history of Asgard is honored in not only it's lore of the past, but in it's current age. If you are treated unfairly then it is natural that I step in to help fix the problem." The elf explained in her light tone of voice, calm and controlled. "I have done some study of these subjects in the past, and while there is much I will still need to read I will also need to do much in taking your testimony and asking you questions. Will you accept me as your representative?"

"Are you even studied in law?" Loki answered the query with one of his own. The girl was young. He didn't recall her as a courtier so she was much younger than he if he was right. Skeptical that some idealist had decided to make him her personal pet project. The idea of an escape from his cell was tempting, but he needed to weight the options first. Was it worth the risk at this time?

"I took several extra classes as it was a path I considered when I was still attending the college but I am not experienced in it's practice." She answered honestly, seemingly unconcerned with admitting her own faults. "However, I feel no one else will approach this topic with the neutrality that is required to be a fair judge of history and your personal case. If I take up this position I do not do so lightly."

Loki stared at her contemplatively, uncertain what to think of the day's change of events – he'd been in the prisons for months with only a few clandestine visits from his mother for company and now this change. What had brought it on? Then there was the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he'd met this half-elf before. What was it about her that tickled his memory?

"Why should I trust you to approach this any differently than the rest of the Aesir?" Loki spoke the obvious question.

"I am not like them." Another simple answer. "I feel there was injustice done to you and I wish to see it remedied."

"Aren't you a ray of sunshine?" Loki smirked. No one was that idealistic, not even Thor. "How do you feel I was given injustice? I certainly am very familiar with my own thoughts on the matter but many, if not all of Asgard, would disagree."

"Equal treatment." The two words hit Loki closer to home than he thought they would, he felt his eyes tighten at the remark. "Your brother did much the same thing you went on to do. In his punishment he was offered redemption – where you have not been given an option for the same. I would like to see a standard kept."

"But not to see me freed." Loki's voice soured, his eyes narrowing a little. "This is what you come here and waste my time with? Thor was turned into a mortal, I hardly want that sort of treatment."

"I wish to see you have the option of redeeming yourself, as your brother was given. If you take it or waste it is not up to me." The elf replied, matter of fact. It was a little grating how she remained entirely business as opposed to showing anything. This felt as if she would approach it the same way if she were buying bread at the market. "If you do not accept me, then you will return to the dungeons and I cannot say if any will speak for you in the future."

"Then I appear to have little option, elf." Loki retorted, a little annoyed that he was backed into a corner. She was right of course, he'd already considered it – if there were other better options for his defense then Frigga would have already found them. This might be the only way he ever escaped the solitary existence promised to him below.

"I am Dere." She stated, drawing his eyes up from where he'd focused on his hands. There the emotion was, a bit of irritation at his remark. Perhaps this wouldn't be completely dull after all, she did have a soul in there. "Are you accepting me as your council?"

He had little left to loose, he nodded at that then perked a dark brow sharply when she pulled a golden collar from her desk and set it in front of him on the desk.

"I didn't realize we were going to get so intimate – I much prefer to be the one holding the leaches as opposed to the one wearing them." Loki quipped without missing a beat.

A small bit of color rose in her cheeks at the remark, but she kept her professionalism in place far better than he expected.

"The device is something that will keep you within the palace's upper floors and the library. Attempt to keep yourself out of trouble and in this time you will be returned to your former quarter's. Able to spend your days as you will – with the exception of my needing some of your time to gather your testimony." Dere pushed forward with the topic at hand.

"It seems awfully generous of Odin to allow me so much of a larger cage, is there a further catch?" Loki asked, lifting the finely crafted golden necklace to consider it. He felt powerful magic running with the veins of the ore used to make it.

"Your magic will be limited, though not impossible, while you wear it – and you will be unable to use any form of gateways should you have a hidden path somewhere within the palace grounds. Any attempts to bring harm to Asgard, or abuse these freedoms and they will swiftly vanish. The all-father's words, not mine." The elf continued to explain. "Your willingness to these terms is non-negotiable, the all-father could not be dissuaded."

Loki pursed his lips in displeasure, he hardly wished to cage himself- but if he went along with this farce he might be given the chance to get free again? That was a difficult fruit to pass up. He reached up and clipped the necklace into place, grimacing at the pain of muted senses – his magic reserve was almost immediately tapped into – draining to the point that it would be difficult to do more than parlor tricks with his illusions.

"Limited?" He hissed, frustrated at the elf's choice of words.

The small smile she offered didn't make him feel any better, not bothering to cover her amusement. "I used the words I felt would best get you to agree. I have much to do here, I would grow accustomed to your old rooms again my lord. I will meet with you tomorrow to speak."

Loki was half-tempted to kill the guards and her both but that wouldn't get him any closer to taking over Asgard. So he relaxed his temper. For now he would bide his time, this elf would be a springboard to his other desires. He had a smile on his face as he left the room, gesturing to the guards.

"Please, do escort me back to my rooms, let's take a stroll through the gardens on the way." He remarked, happy to play the part of a demanding prince with the guards that had been so content to send him snide remarks these last few months. They should fear that he would get his title replaced, they would be some of the first to disappear.

Behind him the violet eyed elf lifted a few papers from her in-box but sighed as she stared after the prideful prince. She glanced to her work, it was always piling higher it seemed – but this wasn't as bad as other weeks had been. She set the papers back in her in box and sighed – wondering if she was making a mistake...

**End Chapter**

I hope I didn't leave things too mysterious. They are supposed to be mysterious to a point of course, we haven't even learned our elf councilor's name yet! But there is more to come, I haven't done an OC with Loki before this but I really liked my idea. Mercury is quicksilver – and therefor colored silver – my beta pointed out I should toss in that information.

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:

Well it's chapter one so I don't have anything specific to say yet. However, I appreciate any and all feedback – even if it's not always positive. Though please don't flame as that doesn't help anyone. Creative criticism is fine though!

Notes from Twi: Fiddle with extending out some of the observations of how the OC looks throughout the chapter as opposed to just throwing it all in at one time. Look at last 'sighing' or repetitive words – though I tend to try and avoid that anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Quick AN's:** The female lead is called both elf, and half-elf by people (read: Loki) but she is a half-breed and not a full elf. It's just people relate her to the more obvious of her parentage.

**Chapter Two:** _**Philanthropy Is Never Easy**_

"_Being myself no stranger to suffering, I have learned to relieve the sufferings of others."_

_**-Virgil**_

_**Loki always reminded me of the snow fall, even before I knew his history. To me he was just like the winter. Then again, perhaps I only made the connection because I met him that same night. Which doesn't lessen my point. He is just as elegant, and often just as fragile or destructive.**_

_ When I opened my eyes I knew my cheeks were flush from more than the cold air or the running, I saw the purest set of green eyes as I would ever witness. My breath caught in my chest, my mouth suddenly dry, my body keenly feeling the night air on it's back except for the pair of fiery lines where his arms had somehow caught me and protected me from far worse damage in the fall we'd taken. _

_ His hair was somehow a deeper black than even the shadows that were around us at the clearing's edge, framing his fair features in darkness. Even though he was still fairly young, older than myself but still not an adult - there were sharp curves to his cheekbones. A strong line to his chin – his features were regal even despite his adolescence. Of course, they would be given he was my prince. I was horrified._

_ "You shouldn't be out here." His words weren't an admonishing tone. He sounded as if the idea amused him. He was far from sounding offended that I'd knocked him over. "You could get yourself into trouble."_

_ "P, prince Lo-loki." I stammered stupidly, not certain how to react. I'd seen him before. Of course, all the future courtiers had, but always from a distance. I had to admit he was handsome. I liked the look of him better than his brother. Perhaps because I was more accustomed to the thin frames of the elves – but then his dark hair and mischievous viridian eyes were exotic. All the more exciting. _

_ "Are you going to get up? Or is this a new approach from courtier's I hadn't quite heard of before? Or an elven custom perhaps? It is quite spirited." He observed, not having budged, perfectly comfortable with our questionable position._

_ I couldn't have moved faster had it been real coals beneath me. I scrambled to my feet and offered a hand of aid so he could get to his feet as well. I bowed immediately when he waved away the offer. "My lord, I didn't mean to disturb you, my deepest apologies for my mistake."_

_ Before I'd managed to bow my head I could have sworn I saw a moment of disappointment flicker across his face – then I couldn't have been sure – now I wish I would have known. What I wouldn't give to have such simple days again._

"Dere, are you completely insane?" Jakob's voice was raised to a slighter pitch than normal – making the fellow bookkeeper seem on the verge of paranoid as his voice was often an alto to begin with. His brown eyes were wide as he stood in the door way to the office where the Alfheim resident was doing her best to catch up on the work that didn't involve her case with the fallen Asgard prince.

"Define insane, so many people seem to have varied definitions for the word." The soft spoken elf replied in her usual calm manner, slightly amused. She didn't look up from the paper she was scanning – she would have all the more of a workload now that she'd volunteered to stand as Loki's council. She didn't have time to spare for idle office chatter unless she worked at the same time. Fortunate for her fellow bookkeeper she could keep up with general conversation and the handling of bureaucratic needs at the same time.

"Dere, he's insane if you aren't. I know you wanna stand out but this is just going to gain you the wrong sort of fame. You can earn your way to the head librarian position all on your own without this. He tried to murder his brother and take the crown by force and then he meant to personally overrun Midgard to try and rule it as some would-be king. He's not even Asgardian." The other librarian was rambling and clearly meant well but the last remark brought up a biting glare that made him wince.

"I am not Asgardian, do I to deserve a lack fair treatment?" Her tone was still low, but the dismissive fondness had evaporated from her voice. "Loki deserves the same management that has been given to Thor in the past. Otherwise what sort of King do we have? If he really does not care to hold the boys he claimed as his own sons – that were crowned Prince's of the realm – to the same standard's as well as punishment's despite Loki's birth how much faith can we really place in him?"

"That's treasonous." Jakob hissed, glancing behind him despite the late hour and the fact he knew they were the last two bookkeeper's in this office. As if he expected Heimdall to descend on them in his terrible fury at any moment.

"Not true. The laws state that the King is the ruler but that he has to treat his people with respect and that all citizen's of Asgard of the same title will be held to the same esteem. Odin is no tyrant or he would not have allowed the trial to commence at all – his respect for the old ways is the only reason I even had the opportunity to step into this position. It is perhaps, only fitting, that a non-Asgardian represents Loki, as it appears the Aesir are far more racist than they would care to claim." Dere paused, forcing herself to look back down at her work. She didn't have time for this argument. There was too much to be done and she had to work on the limited schedule of the Aesir. One of the things they regrettably shared with humans was their need to sleep far too many hours. For a race that was so quick to think themselves above others they had never evolved to only need to trance for rest as the elves did. Yet, she didn't immediately consider them completely incapable for their shortcomings – perhaps she was too kind.

"You know people are already saying he bewitched you, no one is going to forgive him for what he's done even if you get him a different sentence Dere. With the amount of people angry at him for the death's he did cause he might be safer in the dungeons." Jakob tried to take the debate in a different way.

She finished a stroke of her pen that signed off her name on one of the finished requests and slid it into the outbox – picking up the next of her long line of work. "That sort of reasoning is so hilariously archaic it's not worth forming a greater response to. I realize that you are concerned for me Jakob, and I appreciate your sentiment but I will not back down when I feel this matter needs to be dealt with. No one deserves to be hated for the way they were born."

"I know it hits close to home Dere but you have to be careful. Loki is dangerous, maybe he just pulled pranks and tried to get a laugh out of people before his rumored death but the void changed him. Even if he wasn't a frost giant I would be saying this." Jakob said with a resigned sigh. He knew once his superior got her mind set on something there was little he could do to stop her. But she was the best worker the office had – he didn't want to see her lost. "Is it because you held such a torch for him? I know you always were talking about how he would make a more logical choice for king before the coronation ceremony."

"For one, I don't hold a torch for him, or anyone for that matter. Look around, do you think I have the time for such dalliances?" Dere replied smoothly, eyes still scanning the latest request – this was the smallest of her work. The documents in the boxes piled in every possible space were the difficult pieces that wouldn't allow her this sort of conversation. Once she was done with what was on her desk she needed to start copying texts that were getting old and couldn't be trusted to the public as originals. "Secondly, it is our duty as the holders of lore to see that all things are pursued properly – be they texts to be recopied or laws. Odin is King and he makes the laws – but he must be held to his own standard's and those laid down by his father, his father's father, and the generations of rulers before him. The very first of our King's stated that when a ruler begins to go against his own edicts that a corruption has taken root in his very soul. You know as well as I that some standard's must be ignored but even you must agree that eternal imprisonment for Loki's actions is a rash reaction compared to Thor's for very similar crimes."

"No one questions Odin and gets away with it – maybe you'll live and maybe he won't do anything personally but you have to realize that win or lose you won't keep your job here in the palace for choosing to do this." Jakob answered, putting his hands on his hips. Despite how he knew she was unlikely to give up he felt the need to debate her anyway – to him she was flushing centuries of hard work down the drain for a madman. "You'll be committing professional suicide, you'll never be taken seriously as a scholar again – at least if you back out soon some people might believe that you just made a mistake. He's gone mad Dere, and no one will trust his word."

"All the more reason to at least attempt to see him given a proper representation." Dere insisted, signing her name again and looking up at him. Her lips pursed in displeasure at her friend's uncharacteristic pursuit of this topic. Had Loki really dug the hole so deep this time that she may never find a rope long enough to pull him out? "Say what you will but you know I'm right. Asgard is held to a higher standard, and if it will not react respectfully to my attempts to keep it a dignified nation then I would be loathe to continue to work for it regardless of how the trial turns out. If that is all please excuse me, I have work to accomplish."

"Right...well don't say I didn't try and warn you." Jakob shook his head, clearly unhappy with her decision to remain true to her word. It certainly made her wonder how many Aesir felt the same way – were they all so blinded to the truth of the inconsistencies that had taken place? If they would not do the right thing, then she would. She had to. She wished that she would have been able to hear about Loki's return in better circumstances but the fact that he wasn't dead gave her hope. She had thought him lost to the realm forever when he fell into the void – as everyone else. She wasn't sure anyone but his family had grieved quite as deeply as she when she'd learned of his death. Even now the memory haunted her all too clearly – no, this was something she must do before the chance was lost to her again.

_**Sometime later...**_

"I did allow the Jotun into the vaults." Loki stated, already bored with the line of questioning. He'd admitted to turning Sif's hair black, to altering Fandral to a female for a few weeks, to tricking Thor into all number of stunts and dozens of small pranks and other things he'd pulled over the years. He didn't see how any of this was going to aid in helping to prove he should be given a shorter sentence, if anything it might get him put on the chopping block sooner.

"Why?" The question was dull, predictable, it was the same thing she asked after every single one of her ticks on the possibly endless questionnaire settled on her clipboard.

"Because it amused me, because it was better than suffering Thor's pigheaded stupidity as the ruler a moment sooner than would be needed. I didn't plan for the fall out that came after. I couldn't know the fool would get himself banished - as fun as the occasion was." Loki replied, smirking a bit at the memory of Thor having his powers stripped before he was shoved out of the bi-frost forcibly by Odin. At the time he'd been somewhat horrified, worried about being cursed himself. Before he learned his true heritage, the reason for all of the unequal treatment by Odin. Why he never would have been good enough for the all-father – never anything more than a bargaining chip.

He became aware that the elf had paused, she had been writing down notes but during his longer than usual pause she'd mirrored his silence, violet eyes staring at him in concern. He caught her sympathy before she managed to clear it from her face. Her next question caught him even more off guard.

"Is it true that when you were children that Thor was always held on Odin's right side, while you were held on the left?" Dere stated, her pen ready to write again. She blinked in surprise when the utensil was knocked from her hand as opposed to any answer given.

"Are you here just to mock me? Is that your game?" Loki hissed, close enough to her he could feel her breath exhale after she finally let it out after his swift approach. He was already less than pleased by this long series of questions and now she was going to outright ridicule him? "Is this just a way to taunt the former Prince? Do you plan to go and laugh about it with your fellow librarians when this is over? I am not going to tolerate your insults."

Her eyes had widened slightly, the lilac depths honestly shocked by his approach – it wasn't just an act. She hadn't expected him to assault her in such a way. Her break of the neutral wall she'd had in place made him hesitate to attack her further. He had mistaken whatever her motives were. There had to be more to her story in helping him but he didn't understand what was behind this philanthropy. Of course, there was the option she'd lied about working for his mother or father...but then he would catch those glimpses of compassion. It was confusing, no one had any reason to offer him kindness, least of all a half-elf he didn't even know.

"Tell me what your game is." Loki hissed, perhaps he could get some answers while her guard was down.

Her pale cheeks flushed with pink and she stammered. "I...I'm n. ..."

His hands settled on either side of the back of her chair, the trickster pressing closer. This was perhaps the only chance he had of getting the truth out of her. "Tell me what you want from me for this or I swear I will descend on you."

Dere swallowed, her stammer cutting off as she raised her hands to try and push him away, there was no training in the bookkeeping sector that prepared her for something like this. Her hands pausing on his shoulders where he didn't budge before her own strength combined with his body already leaning on the the chair jolted them backward instead. The sensation of free falling overtook them and she felt a flash of pain in her legs where the chair shattered under their combined weight.

The bookkeeper couldn't keep the shock from her face as the chair broke. As Loki fell to a position on top of her, tangled a moment in her clothing before he managed to pull himself up to look at her. She was frozen in fear, her eyes almost dilated a sign of just how much he'd managed to terrify her. But this...it was all too familiar...he scowled as his mind seemed almost as if it was screaming at him to recall something that was just beyond his grasp. There was something beneath the surface that tickled to be set free and yet he couldn't force himself to recount the girl below him. He was certain he knew her now. It set him on edge and he grabbed the side of her face, forcing her to look at him no matter how frightened she already seemed.

"Tell me who you are! Why do you want to help me!" Loki all but screamed at her, but any response that might have tumbled from her trembling lips he wouldn't have heard. A sharp crack accompanied by a flash of light and the black of unconsciousness stole the moment from him and he fell on top of the frightened librarian – it was the most exciting thing to likely have ever occurred in the small office.

**End Chapter**

Descending on someone is to imply you are going to hurt/destroy them. I've had a great friend kind enough to beta my story suggest I make the clarification at the end of the chapter.

_-Aura_


	3. Chapter 3

Quick AN's: No Loki doesn't yet know the lead females name, he just always calls her elf or some equivalent.

**Chapter Three:** _**Seeing Judas**_

"_Bitter people are not interested in what you say, but what you hide."_

_**-Shannon L. Alder**_

_**I imagine he would hate the comparison if he knew it. Still, Loki is dizzying to me, his glorious complexity deserves no less of a magnificent analogy. An eternal enigma...ever flowing like the water crystals I liken him to...**_

_"Why are you out here?" His tone had turned dry the moment I bowed. "Aren't you one of the new consorts? The queen will remove you from your position if she finds out that you assaulted the Prince after sneaking out of your room."_

_ I stood up again, staring wide-eyed – I probably looked every bit the fool I feel I was. The snow had begun to speed up, white rain around us. My reply was innocent enough. "Please, that was not my intent...I just...haven't ever seen snow before."_

_ "You are the one from Alfheim." He observed, it wasn't a question. He'd always been the clever one, the one that actually knew more about most people than they realized themselves. Then, I knew with painful clarity how uncommon half-elves were._

_ "Yes." I smiled at him, it was what a consort was supposed to do for her Prince. "I arrived this summer past, and when I saw the snow I had to sneak out to see it. Please do not tell the queen – I just..."_

_ My words caught in my throat, he'd closed the short distance between us to press a finger to my mouth. My eyes widened but he made a low shushing purr. Then I heard some guards wandering nearby – I don't remember what they were speaking of – only the glint of gold from the armor they wore. I was too distracted by the feel of Loki's heartbeat through the pad of his finger into my lips. I hoped he couldn't feel my own racing against my chest. _

_ "If you don't wish to get caught you should be more careful." Loki whispered though the guards had passed. His sly smile a show that he didn't plan to turn me in for my transgressions. I mirrored the mirth and glanced up as the flurries began to come down heavier than before. Holding out my hands and trying unsuccessfully not to shiver from the cold._

_ "Didn't you read books on Alfheim?" He asked, perking a sharp brow at her shuttering despite the smile on her face. "If it's snowing it means it's cold and here you are in your bed clothes."_

_ "I didn't want to wait." I replied, frowning a little at his chiding. Trying to protest despite slightly chattering teeth. "It's too great, besides, a little cold never hurt anyone."_

_ "You are a lost cause Alfheim." Loki remarked, but she felt his hands settle a green cloak over her shoulders with the words. "Here."_

_ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo - ooooo_

Dere leaned back from her desk, rubbing her hand where it ached after all the paperwork she'd been doing. Some of her office walls were becoming visible – a physical sign of how much she was diving into her job to avoid thinking about her exchange with Loki. The way he'd held her down, threatened her to tell him what else she must want from him. It was pathetic, he seemed to think no one capable of wanting to help for the sake of doing so. Of course, he wasn't completely wrong – she had her reasons – rather good ones – but none of which involved personal gain.

This exchange was a nightmare.

Dere kept her nose in her work, she didn't desire all the larger politics of the court or such nonsense – she just wanted to someday be the lead librarian here in the palace so she could do much to spread the knowledge contained within it's walls. For her even the difficult work of copying a text was far preferable to the unknown dangers of the political spectrum. All this would accomplish was setting back her goals – or make them impossible all together. But her words to Jakob had been true, she could hardly take pride in any position in Asgard if it was corrupt at it's core.

Which lead her back to what she'd been spending all this time on her work avoiding; Loki. She had dozens of questions and would likely end up with a few hundred or more by the time she'd finished preparing. What little time she'd put into the case had been to question others. Facing Loki after her last visit wasn't proving to be easy. She feared she might be wrong, that her path was going to destroy her after the manic way he'd demanded information from her – before his brother had broken in and knocked the god of mischief into unconsciousness.

It had been nearly a week – and despite a limited time to finish preparations Dere hadn't been able to force herself to go to his chambers and speak with him further. It was why she was up when the majority of the Aesir would be either sleeping or lacking lucidity from some celebration or other. She couldn't afford to keep wasting time, tomorrow she had to continue regardless of what she felt.

Fear wasn't the problem, she had certainly been frightened by his outburst but that wasn't what got to her the most. Fear was a simple emotion, it didn't run nearly as deep as the misery of knowing he would never fully remember her. But the pain didn't matter, she should be ashamed of her own hesitation. If she could help Loki free himself from his father's tyranny then she would willingly suffer and do so as silently as possible. If her torment could ease his then she would endure for eternity. She nodded at her own thoughts as if to confirm her new confidence. It was something she'd decided long ago, she would support Loki no matter what the cost.

It wasn't a moment too soon for her to reaffirm her convictions. For Loki came strolling into her office despite the hour. There was a cocky half-grin on his face, a smooth yet calculated grace to his motions. He was in a good mood. A rare event these days, it was almost a crime she couldn't share his amusement – but that wasn't what she was here for.

"My lord, I appreciate the visit but I was about to return to my room for the rest of the night." Dere remarked – as resolved as she was it was true that she was also tired after going so long without rest while working. Her mind wasn't as sharp as she would like it to deal with the trickster.

"What is this to you?" He repeated his question of the day before but with thankfully less aggression. Sometimes you earned more bees with honey than vinegar. His voice took on a lighter, a more desperate edge, he decided not to add the quiver of a lip just yet – it would have been laying it on too think. "Who are you? Tell me."

"I have told you my lord, I wish to see justice done. I am a simple bookkeeper in the libraries but I'm not here to discuss myself. I'm here to gather information by which I can defend you." She replied, her mask was fully back into place. He might have shattered it yesterday, but it had regenerated without a hole – like a broken bone - possibly even stronger than before.

"What is your name?" He tried a more direct question.

"Dere." She answered in her usual short, polite, frustratingly lacking in detail, manner.

"Your surname?"

"Aislinn."

"And you are from Alfheim?" If he could keep up the questions something might jog his memory. Even her name wasn't one used overly often, he should remember her and it if they'd met in the past and yet he couldn't quite put a finger on it.

"I am, my lord. Though I must insist that if we are to work at this hour that we return to your topic. I need to know the answer to the question as to what side you were always held when it came to Odin, and where you as well as Thor stood." Dere dug her notebook from the desk, nothing betrayed on her face.

"You have dreadfully dull questions Dere of Aislinn, I grow tired of these little interludes, they may barely be as interesting as watching paint dry." Loki complained, which was true enough. Hypocritical since he'd sought her out but either he didn't notice or, more likely, ignored his own duplicity.

"My prince, regardless of if you find them dreadful, I need this information for my accounts." She replied. "Please answer my question."

"In good time..." Loki said, a smirk coming to his face at the way her lips edges dipped downward. "Let's make it a game hmm? I will offer you honest answers when you offer me honest answers. A question for a question."

Her face contorted then, it was slight but he could pick it out. She clearly wanted to toss out 'this is no time for games' – he'd seen the expression on enough faces to know it pretty well. Then instead she nodded slowly, hesitantly – and there was a short 'I'm going to regret this' before her features schooled back to the poker face he was becoming used to trying to decipher.

"I always stood at my father's left. He of course only wanted Thor at his right side. It became a natural placement after a while. I hadn't thought about it in years – though I imagine I should have seen their betrayal coming decades before it occurred." Loki answered, grinning at her giving into his request to make this enjoyable. "Have we met before?"

"Yes." She didn't seem happy to offer that answer,which was a victory by itself. He had already assumed that much given the nagging feeling in his mind whenever he saw her.

"Where?" He followed up, wanting to know more.

She shook her head at him, holding up a finger to pause him. "Not how this works, question for a question, answer for an answer. When you found out for the first time that you were a frost giant what happened?"

He considered complimenting her at the keeping up with him until her question. Must she pry into topics he'd much rather leave closed? His good cheer melted as swiftly as butter on fresh toast. "Odin and I fought, we exchanged some heated words and he fell into the Odinsleep."

_"Too bad he didn't stay there."_ Loki managed to keep the thought to himself and instead pressed on in his own pursuit of knowledge. "Where did we meet?"

"In the palace gardens." Dere replied, short and to the point as per the norm.

Loki did break a small smile of appreciation that time. She was better at the game than he'd expected, he would have to up the ante.

"What words exactly were exchanged?" She had picked back up her notepad, apparently ready to notate every syllable he uttered. It might have been more a compliment if he didn't feel so frustrated at her replies – at the slight sensation of dejavu that came along with their conversation. He'd done this before – sat with her and spoken at length.

"Various and too many to list easily." Loki retorted, mirroring her short answers. "How many times have we met?"

"That is not a fair answer to my question." She remarked instead of giving him a reply to his own query. There were things she couldn't say, that she was bound by her word not to speak of. Though she wasn't certain she would be able to get away with that given the distaste that entered Loki's expression at her reply. She should have known that if she agreed to play a game with him that he wouldn't do so without making it a competition.

"I will write you out the entire uninteresting exchange for you later, now answer my question." Loki retorted, surprising her with his forwardness. He had to feel something amiss or he wouldn't have grown so animated about this.

"I am not certain how many times we met my lord." Dere did want to do her best to avoid the subject.

"The point of this was to exchange honest answers, I need not cooperate if you don't rise to the challenge." Loki retorted, his eyes had narrowed on her. Distrust was returning swiftly despite their few moments of honesty. "You seem to want to help me more than I wish to help myself."

"Do not challenge the validity of my answers, Loki Odinson. Between us who is called the god of lies?" Dere retorted hotly. One more thing for him to file away - she did not like to have her honor questioned. Though her informal manner once riled was a clue by itself.

"Then offer me a better answer than that one." Loki demanded, his voice raising when her's began to grow animated. He was just as fine with arguing as this girl was far from being honest as far as he knew.

"I lost count of the number of times we spent evening's together!" She snapped, regretting the words after they slipped from her lips. If he didn't suspect something amiss before, now he definitely would. She glanced down at the drying in on her desk so she didn't have to watch the widening jade eyes of the male sitting nearby. Her voice returned to being softer even than it usually was, nearly breaking in vulnerability before she got it under control. "So yes, I am not certain how many times we met."

"What are you playing at?" Loki hissed, his other questions forgotten. "I would remember you if we spent a fraction of this time you claim we spent together."

Then, he wasn't as sure of that as he sounded, there was something that remained familiar about this half-elf, that made his mind seem to set off alarms in her presence. He grit his teeth at her response.

"You will need time to write out the exchange between yourself and your father. It would also be helpful if you could write out what you remember when Thor was banished as everyone other than you three were sent out of the bi-Frost." Dere said, gathering her papers, and clearly wanting to be done with their exchange for now. She was about done organizing her work space when Loki caught her arm and she blinked at where he touched her. She hadn't expected a gentler approach after his previous aggression.

"Nothing is free. I'll write out the second scene for you, but I get another question." He stated, waiting for her to confirm the trade.

Dere bit her lip, certainly she might normally be wonderful at keeping her emotions in check but this wasn't a normal situation. She needed every piece of information she could get so how could she refuse? She barely nodded.

"If you are telling the truth, why don't I remember you?" Loki didn't know if it was honest but he had a sinking feeling something had been done to his mind. He was clever, certainly more powerful mentally than most thanks to his command of magic, but that didn't mean he was immune to the magic of others stronger than himself.

"I am bound not to say." Dere answered, shaking her head. "I will not break my word for this exchange, you will need to ask a different question."

"Who bound you not to explain this to me?" Loki didn't waste any time.

"The queen my prince." Dere spoke nearly in a whisper, pulling away when Loki's grasp loosened at the answer. She withdrew while he was still in shock, if he was ever going to learn about his history she couldn't be the one to tell him. Dere took a deep breath after she escaped her own office, hearing the slam of his chair on the floor a moment later. This was less than pleasant for her as well, she didn't want to have to be the one that brought him this sort of pain. Trying to help him was turning out to be far more difficult than she could have predicted.

**End Chapter**

Moving things along, it feels a little fast but I'm not sure...some might say otherwise. Thoughts?

_-Aura_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:** _**Puppet, Puppeteer**_

" _'It was a mistake,' you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you."_

_**-**_**David Levithan****_, The Lover's Dictionary_**

_**At this moment, I feel he is in the worst stage. Melting; unable to hold form. He doesn't know which shape (if any) should be adopted – vapor, water, ice? A molecule lost in a vacuum...**_

_ "Won't you be cold my lord?" I asked, though the warmth of his cloak was welcoming – the scent of him came with it and it surprised me. I'd heard of Loki flirting with the occasional consort – but I was still very new and younger than he by decades. I assumed he'd find someone like me beneath him. Judging what I'd heard all the consorts earned little more than pranks from him._

_ "The cold never bothers me, I enjoy it." Loki answered, offering her a shrug of indifference. His eyes had followed hers up the snow. "Besides, what sort of Prince would I be if I let you freeze to death in the gardens because you were too stubborn to admit your own weaknesses?"_

_ "Right..." I answered, smiling at him. "Thank you. You aren't what I expected."_

_ "What did you expect?" His gaze dropped from the snow, he ignored where flakes had begun to gather on his shoulders – adding a small layer of white to his usual black, green and gold ensemble._

_ "I...don't know. Everyone says you're the trickster and you don't take anything seriously – that you aren't as strong or powerful as Thor." I rambled, I still do that sometimes when I'm nervous._

_ "Oh?" His mood soured, it was clear even to my younger, duller witted self._

_ "No, no. I mean, you seem all right. You kept me from probably getting a pretty bad scrape when I jumped when you could have just let me fall and laughed at me. You're chiding me about not bringing my own coat but offering your cloak. That seems pretty decent." I went on, still rambling. He didn't seem to be that impressed so I'd wandered right into it. "Besides, all the other girls say Thor's the handsome brother too. If they're wrong about that, I assume they're wrong about a lot of other things too."_

_ "Flattery to save yourself?" Loki shook his head. "Not even very good compliments at that."_

_ "Uh no...Thor just looks overlarge and sort of thuggish." I felt as if I kept digging myself deeper so I tried to save the remark. "No, no I mean...oh my god, he's my prince I'm so sorry. He's just a little big..."_

_ Loki was laughing, it cut off my attempting to excuse my remark. I only could smile at him awkwardly, I didn't understand his mirth then._

_"I like you." He commented after his bout of amusement. "I knew the light elves were honest but anyone that can recognize my brother's true self is worthwhile."_

_ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo - ooooo_

Loki hadn't actually wanted to speak to his mother after their last discussion, he'd told her she wasn't actually his family after all. He wanted to give her a few years to calm before pretending it had never happened. Perhaps he was more right than he knew in that remark, if what this elf said was true. Then again, it could just be a trick, he'd pulled more than enough of his own to be uncertain what it was he should expect. Yet, his own uncertainty and the nagging feeling he had forgotten something whenever they met ate at him. It was enough to prompt him to raise his knuckles and tap on his mother's door, he had to know what it was that was happening given his future was in the balance.

After a moment she pulled it open and a bright smile came to her face, the sort of expression he would have longed to see once when he was a child. "Loki, I'm so glad you came to see me. Come in, I was about to have tea – join me."

"I would love to." He felt less muted than he thought he would at his mother's side. It was a bit of a relief that she didn't seem to hold his previous words against him. He could pretend it was never said, which was part of the plan all along. He slid into her chamber. The silks, the open area where a gentle breeze came through – a little warm given the summer weather but a tolerable afternoon compared to some.

It was easy enough to recall sitting out on her balcony listening to her stories, her teaching, just having the occasional warm embrace. He'd felt the most loved in his youth when he was here in these chambers with her. Perhaps it had been just as much an illusion as the rest of his life.

"There's something bothering you." She sat at her table on the balcony overlooking Asgard and motioned for him to sit across from her. Her's was a statement, not a question, she was always the one that could best see him. There was little he successfully hid from Frigga with or without magic.

"The elf, the one that volunteered to represent me in this trial." Loki didn't waste time and got straight to the point. The scent of mint that had been mixed into his cup – she still remembered his favorite details even now – as if he were still the boy that came to learn magic. A wide-eyed youth that was ignorant of the harshness of the world. "She says we knew each other, but I do not recall her."

"Dere?" His mother was perhaps as good a liar as he had ever been, her feigned innocence was impressive. He supposed he had to learn it from somewhere. Her reaction would have made him doubt her if he hadn't already convinced himself she must have been involved. "You used to spend time with her along with the other courtier's centuries ago."

"Don't attempt to placate me." Loki's fingers tightened around the beautiful patterns of the china. "There is more to it than that, I wouldn't forget meeting a half-elf. What is it that you are hiding ?"

His mother frowned then, she gave up the gambit and instead shook her head. "Loki, everything we did was to help you."

"What did you do to me?" he insisted. His tea forgotten. These comforts – the memories of warmth and love – were all of them lies? Frigga had gone along with Odin's deceptions the first time, had she forged some of her own along the way?

"Your father had to protect you, you were still young. Not even fifteen-hundred. Jotunheim wasn't the first time that you learned of your giant blood heritage." Frigga said, and to her credit she did sound regretful – but this was the same woman that had seemed ready to keep the truth from him only seconds prior.

"You stole my memories?" Loki bit the words out, they were like a burned meal with a horrible aftertaste left in his mouth that wouldn't be removed. What hadn't these people, his so-called family, done to him? He stood up, shaking his head at her when she began to protest. "No, you say you cared for me but you augmented my very mind? Would you have ever begun to consider doing that to your precious Thor?"

"His memories were augmented as well," Frigga stated, her own gaze moist after Loki's remarks but no tears had fallen. Still, admitting that Thor had suffered the same treatment gave him pause enough not to move from the room or fling his cup at the wall. "A small group was present and all were made to forget by Odin, as you were, so that you could continue your life unhindered. We never wanted you to feel cast out by us Loki."

"But the truth of me, of what I was was like some horrible pox! It must be covered, hidden constantly away so no one need fear coming near it?" Loki knew his voice had long past left a reasonable tone, he was barely able to comprehend what he was hearing. It was one betrayal after another. "How many times? How many times did you violate my mind to keep the truth from me? Why didn't you do it again after Jotunheim? Why bother letting me ever know? Had my usefulness reached an end with the war Thor nearly started so I was no longer worth the waste of energy?"

"You were speaking with Odin in the vaults and I imagine he planned to do so – but you were there when he fell into the Odinsleep. I felt it more than time that you learned the truth for yourself. It wasn't something we could hide from you forever, better you learn before one or both of us had moved on." Frigga replied. "It never changed anything for us, you were always our son."

"No. Thor was your son, I was just an exotic beast that you thought could be tamed to your hopes for peace with the Jotun. The elf...an elves mind cannot be made to forget with magic...she knew..." Loki realized even as he was speaking the words. He swallowed hard the lump that had risen in his throat – but it returned a moment later as he looked around the gilded balcony. It was all a beautiful lie, an illusion greater than any he could have comprehended crafting himself. The deception went so much deeper than a single moment – they'd been programming him – puppeting him like some sick toy - for centuries. Nearly his entire life was just a game...

"She was sworn to secrecy by your father, then reassigned away from the palace so any inconsistencies between stories would never come up. She was given a good life, a way to raise herself to the position she asked for." Frigga explained, setting down her own cup. Rising to walk closer and take Loki's hands. His gaze was still close to manic when he settled it on hers, but he didn't immediately pull away. Frigga's hands would have been just as tied as any of them, Odin's word was the final law here. He needed to reserve his hatred for the all-father...

"He is not my father, he never has been." Loki retorted, it was becoming a habit to remind people of the truth of his birth. "Why have the girl be the one to stand for me? Surely you could have found someone else?"

"It was her idea. I helped her get it approved but she came to me with the idea of a trial." Frigga replied, surprising Loki again. He schooled his expression from shock after a moment. He had assumed it was his mother that talked Odin into this. "When Odin gave the order that your defender must be a volunteer she stood up before any other's would have had a chance."

"Why?" Loki's brow furrowed, to say the change of what he thought of the situation was confusing would be an understatement.

"You were friends." Frigga said, her own eyes were sad enough that Loki wasn't sure how to take all of this. He had many he'd once called friends that were loyal only to Thor, never to himself. Yet, this elf he couldn't remember went out of her way for him?

"That's not enough." Loki retorted. "She has a life now, she risks everything in stepping up for me, even if she gained your help first she has no reason to do such a thing when I didn't know she existed for hundred's of years. What else was I to her?"

"Why don't you ask her?" Frigga suggested, gesturing back at their table. She returned to her seat and seemed to expect him to do the same.

"She isn't here." Loki replied, finally relaxing enough to follow her and pick up his cup again. He let himself settle more than a moment ago, still frustrated and dubious of Frigga but covering it up better. "I want my memories returned."

"You know that sort of magic is dangerous to reverse." Frigga's calmer attitude immediately turned to disapproval. "You could lose your mind."

"According to most I already have." Loki replied swiftly, shaking his head at the concerned expression and continuing before she could protest further. "I have a strong enough mind that I could already tell there was something wrong. The only one in the nine realms better at magic than myself is you mother. If you will not help me then I will do it myself and given Odin's little leash I imagine it will go quite poorly."

"Loki," Frigga admonished for the ultimatum, but she could see it in his face. Loki wouldn't let it rest. Perhaps learning his history would be better for him...allowing him to remember a friend that seemed intent on aiding him to this day. Seeing his own previous reactions and how Odin treated him might help to settle his anger as well. "I will help you, but it will be slow, rushing such a process could scramble your mind. It is the safest way."

"Agreed." Loki took the compromise – he could hardly say he'd want to end up dumber than his oaf brother. He couldn't accept less than full knowledge of his life, the lack of control was grating – he was just a puppet, a toy for the all-father's amusement. It was a testament to his self-control that he didn't break the fragile porcelain in his hand.

"Loki, you have to know we wanted you to be happy." Frigga remarked, holding her cup away from her mouth to stare at him.

"You wanted me to be complacent." Loki immediately returned, though his voice softened as he added. "Or at the very least Odin did."

"Let us speak of something else," Frigga knew that for now Loki would not be persuaded on the matter of his father. "It has not been long but how are the preparations going between you and lady Dere? I heard a rumor that you had attacked her, but she insisted that there was just a misunderstanding. Did you hurt her?"

"The elf is unwelcomely meticulous, and had I assailed her in earnest then she would not still be here." Loki offered the aggressive remark as he took a sip of his tea – the mint had a welcome calming effect. "From what I can see thus far she will do everything in her power to make the truth known, though I am not certain that will offer me any reprise from the dungeons."

"You are already free of the dungeons." Frigga pointed out. Setting down her cup as she finished the beverage and there was a knock at the door. "And as much as I enjoy our talk, I sadly have other appointments this afternoon."

"And my...treatment?" Loki decided it was the best thing to call the magic's that would help him regain his memories. Odin would likely be against it, he was against all logical things

"Tonight. I will visit you after people believe me to be asleep." Frigga answered, she could be just as sneaky as her son and he couldn't help but smile slightly as he settled his own half-finished cup on the table. Despite his own misgivings, he still trusted his mother...she was perhaps the only person he ever would again. Part of that was because she did seem to regret having lied to him – shown since she was willing to help him undo the damages...

He offered her a kiss on the cheek, lingering a moment when she hugged him, before turning to leave the chamber. He had a lot to consider, and this had only left him with more questions than he had when he'd arrived.

**End Chapter**


	5. Chapter 5

Quick AN's: I made elves up a bit as I went (and stole some ideas from D&D) so if things aren't just like the comics (for any buffs) my apologies.

**Chapter Five:** _**Opening the Window**_

"_Silly girl, what made you think the boy who doesn't care about anything, would care about you?"_

_**-Unknown**_

_**Dere:**_

_**I'll support him no matter what he chooses – monsters are only made by the people that need them to play the antagonist. Loki will not be that to me no matter what form he takes. Just as the weather will always be cool in the winter – he will always be a hero to me.**_

_"I am only a half-elf." I replied at his indication that I might be fully elven. Glancing away from him. That was a second reminder. It wasn't a pleasant place, most half breeds weren't treated overly well. I was lucky because I'd come from a noble birth – so I was able to have things most half-breeds would only dream of. It hadn't always made life easier – though I grew accustomed to the mistreatment eventually._

_"Oh?" He seemed all the more curious then. "And what else?"_

_"Aesir, it's why I was brought here to play the role of consort. I don't think anything will come from it." I explained._

_"Are you not interested in the politics of the court?" Loki seemed more curious all the time and I warmed my hands – happy to oblige him. I'd heard so much about the trickster prince that was negative and now that I'd met him I didn't really understand it. Did people think little of him just because he couldn't swing a hammer quite as hard as Thor?_

_"I...don't know. I only agreed to this cause I wanted to see another world, the library here is amazing." I answered bluntly._

_"So you have no plans?" He asked._

_"I know most people have no reason to care about a half-breed." I said, managed to distract myself from the handsome prince to the snow. "No political sway comes from a bastard child – no positive impact. I just don't have any delusions as to my place in the world. But I can get schooling and training here that should allow me to get a more modest job later in life."_

_"Never heard of a courtier only here to use the castle for what it offers."Loki remarked, again it was more impressed than chiding. "You shouldn't forget that the current queen is a half-frost giant. She is beloved by the people. Your lack of confidence and not your pointed ears would dissuade at least me from any pursuit. But given your apathy in the realm of courting I imagine you would be more tolerable to occasionally converse with. What is your name Alfheim girl?"_

_"Thank you my lord, I think. I am Dere." I offered my name when it was asked. Surprised that he was so quick to point out that for him it was my words and not my race that would bother him. I'd rarely heard such a sentiment._

_"You should get back inside, you're starting to shiver even with my cloak. You'll have to come and meet me again tomorrow – return it to me." I didn't expect the command – for it certainly wasn't a request. Still, even if it had been he was a silver tongued god...how could I even consider refusing?_

_**"I would be honored." **__But I couldn't know if he heard the remark for he had disappeared. It was the first step to my falling in love with a man I could never have._

_ooooo - ooooo - ooooo - ooooo - ooooo_

Loki had been true to his word, he'd written out the missives she'd asked for – and in enough detail that he could rival her copy-editing skills. It was so much information that she could read into the context enough to picture of the inflections that must have been made during the arguments.

The scene he'd written of himself and Odin in the weapon's vault was more clipped than he one of the bi-frost but still had more detail than she had predicted. The words he wrote were haunting for her. _"...because I'm the monster that parents tell their children about at night? You know it all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all these years. Because no matter how much you claimed to love me! You could never have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"_

Dere could almost picture his inflection, the pain he must have felt. She'd witnessed a similar scene between Odin and Loki before then. If the all-father hadn't entered the Odinsleep would things be different now? Had he cast another spell to make Loki forget his true nature yet again would the trickster be in this situation?

The elf paused outside Loki's door, staring at it quietly as she rubbed the backs of her arms to try and banish the goosebumps. The memories that were coming back after centuries of trying not to think about them were all the more eerie. It'd been an age since she'd been in Loki's quarter's but she remembered those days all the more clearly the more she lingered in these areas. The god that rescued her that night in the gardens had really done more than that...she closed her eyes and took a steadying breath. Now she had to turn all of that off – she had to simply relax and push away those thoughts. She was nothing more than a bookkeeper doing the right thing – she was paying a debt and nothing more.

The grating rap against his door was an unwelcome tug at his consciousness to draw itself from the black of sleep. Yet, he got so little rest that didn't involve nightmares that Loki was loathe to pull himself out of his sheets. His own bed remained incredibly comfortable after the cot in the prisons – a rock and a cloud. Of course, at the moment it might as well be a storm cloud given the short reprieve of silence was followed by another round of pounds slightly louder than the first.

"Go away." He called out, voice discolored since he was still between sleep and wakefulness.

As if his affirming he was there was only chumming the water another more vigorous round of knocks followed. He groaned in displeasure as he slid from the side of his bed and shuffled to the door, eyes half-lidded as he pulled the portal open to look at the pale elf that he'd barely begun to remember. He recognized patches of scenes in the holes of his brain but none of the pathways had reconnected yet the way they would when his mother had given him more treatments.

"I see your still as animated to finish this as ever. Don't half-elves sleep?" His tone was dry, slightly dampened with lethargy since he was still in the process of coming fully awake. Smiling as he noticed she was glancing away with a hint of a blush.

"Elves and half-elves don't sleep like Asgardian's, and when we rest it is not nearly for as long." She replied despite her clear embarrassment. "If you would put on some clothes we can get started. I presumed you would rather speak here than in my office."

"No need to be bashful elf, I am certain you've seen men without shirts before." Loki remarked, pushing open his door as he moved back to lay on his bed again. "My quarter's are far preferable to that hovel – tell the guard to bring us breakfast. If I must discuss all these mundane details than I would at least prefer some sustenance while I'm free of the pit."

He let his eyes slide closed when he heard her sigh but walk back to speak to the guards. Why couldn't she have let him get more rest? The sun was barely rising and his clouded mind seemed very willing to pass right back into unconsciousness as opposed to continue their game of questions.

Loki outright ignored her request to get dressed, leaving the sheer shorts he'd slept in as his only covering. He hadn't nearly enough consciousness to dawn his full regalia without some sort of servant aiding him. He was swiftly drifting back into sleep – dreams less pleasant for him than moments ago – but they weren't his usual nightmares. Images of whispering while hidden in the trees, of the ground covered in snow, a rare genuine laughter – screaming at his father. Too many flickering memories to pick out anything immediate before they blended into things he did recognize. A red hand reaching toward him that promised agony.

His fingers closing over the elf's wrist as he shocked awake. She blinked at him and winced because he'd twisted her arm backward. He let her go and shook his head, murmuring a short apology.

"You were having a nightmare." Dere observed, canting her head at him. "If you are unwell I can return later."

"No, we may as well continue, my defense will not build itself on it's own." Loki answered, he wished to return to sleep much less than only a few minutes ago. Pushing himself up he offered a half-grin at the way she glanced away from him again – her innocence was a rare but amusing trait in this case. And perhaps would detract her from the thought of finding him in a weakened state. "Ah, breakfast, so much better here than in the prisons. You should join me so we can return to our game."

"You don't need to turn everything into some sport." Dere commented, but obliged him as she sat at the table where the food was being laid out by the servants. "You are going to dress before we begin I hope?"

"If you hadn't stolen my magic I could have at least given off the image of having clothing on." Loki replied, let her suffer a bit if she didn't like it. It was hardly comfortable living with a muffler on his abilities. "Here I thought most light elves were fairly relaxed, are you always so straight-laced?

"I act in the way I feel is befitting, it is not proper for a bookkeeper to sit with her prince in such a state of undress." Dere answered him, looking at the food that was in front of her instead of him.

"A courtier however, is expected to do what is needed to entertain her possible paramours." Loki pointed out, grinning as she looked at her plate instead of him. Generally he had little interest in demure young women, but he knew there was fire beneath her cool exterior.

"As you are not a prince in any official level at this time, and I ceased to be a courtier many years ago, my point stands." She said, she wasn't looking at him but neither was she backing down on her part of the conversation.

"I have to give you that." Loki remarked, pausing to take a bite of his eggs. A hot meal was a far cry from what he'd gotten living below the palace instead of in it. "However, I am here, and if you wish to help then you'll have to indulge me. I believe it is your turn to ask a question."

Dere sighed, glancing at him and then back to her files, doing her best not to fumble in opening her notebook. Must he insist on sitting half-nude across from her? His hair was still disheveled since he hadn't taken any time to clean up after sleeping and despite being known as the weaker of the prince's he didn't lack muscle. As opposed to Thor's overlarge frame, he was lithe – lacking only in fat beneath his pale skin. He was certainly less wide than his older brother but he was still quite tall – more than many would indicate by rumor. Just because he wasn't the god of thunder didn't mean he wasn't divine. She would take someone that could out think instead of out punch an enemy any day.

"Here I thought you were protesting out of morality, am I such a distraction for you?" Loki remarked the moment he realized she was staring instead of continuing her questions. Dere cursed her weakness but managed to keep his gaze. She could still feel the warmth in her face but she couldn't back down.

"I'll hold you to that question." She said instead. "And of course, what respectable lady would not be disturbed by such impropriety?"

"I wonder if that's all it is, you did say we spent an incredible amount of time together." Loki observed, grinning when her gaze faltered again down to her notebook. She might try to hide it, and wasn't even completely horrible at it – but the fact she had a crush on him was flattery he could eat up after months of mistreatment.

"Getting back to the point." He had to give her that she was better at keeping her cool than he would expect. "I need you to tell me about what happened beyond the void, as well as what what happened on earth. What you did, conversations you had, every detail is one more piece I could use to help justify a lighter sentence."

"It will be a very long conversation." Loki sighed between bites of his meal.

"Then it is a good thing that I don't need much sleep." She replied setting the pencil to the page and looking back up to him. "Where did you end up after you fell through the void?"

It grew much more tedious when she asked about things he didn't wish to speak of, his time beyond Asgard had been far from pleasant. Still, he could hardly argue given he was more aware now as to why she would help him.

He'd seen first hand what men did for Lorelei when they only believed they liked her – when it was fake they would do anything. Certainly what men felt for her was far different than the crush this elf had on him – but given it was real he felt it was all the more powerful. If he used the feelings she obviously had to his advantage then she would work all the harder to keep him out of his cell and get this collar off of him. He wouldn't be completely honest, but he was feeling rather good. This elf wasn't just a plant from his father, she wasn't a forced activist by his mother – the best workers were ones that wanted too accomplish their goals as opposed to it being a job.

"Let me finish and become suitable to your sensibilities, then we can continue this conversation in the gardens." He remarked, smiling at the nervous expression that hinted at the edges of her eyes, the small downturn of her lips. He would remember this creature yet – and that would give him all the more ammunition by which to eventually control her.

**End Chapter**

Ah poor Dere...she's clearly not much more all together upstairs sometimes as Loki.

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	6. Chapter 6

Quick AN's: I am really sad that Thor 3 only has a rumored release date of 2017 or so. I really hope they make it come up sooner!

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter Six:** _**Visibility Rising**_

"_Memory is all we are. Moments and feelings, captured in amber, strung on filaments of reason. Take a man's memories and you take all of him. Chip away a memory at a time and you destroy him assurely as if you hammered nail after nail through his skull."_

**-Mark Lawrence, **_**King of Thorns**_

_**Loki:**_

_ There was a layer of frost across the grass - it was thin, but it was the first time that year that the snow was actually sticking to the earth. I had always enjoyed the winter, and this year was no different – I was lingering in the gardens so I could watch them be transformed. _

_ The way the white covered everything and shielded it away from the world gave the illusion that the grass had been replaced by pale grains of sand. The build of icicles instead of leaves on the trees – it altered the whole place from one of colorful warmth to a glittering pasture of ice. The chill didn't seem to concern me as much as many of my fellow Asgardian's so I was glad to use it as a way to escape my brother and the others. Only my mother ever seemed to understand why I enjoyed the cold so, and she still didn't tolerate it as well as myself._

_ Tonight though, it wasn't the only reason I was out in one of the clearing's, I'd challenged one of the courtier's to return, to sneak out to see me. I assumed she wouldn't risk it, even though I'd all but ordered her to do so – most wouldn't risk almost anything for the secondary prince of Asgard. Still, she'd been so swift to dismiss my brother that I couldn't help but wonder why – was it simply her half-elven blood? If she showed, then she would be worth sparing a few more moments of conversing._

_ It was nearly midnight, and quite a build of snow had leveled itself – about two inches had all but removed the longest grass from view and it didn't seem as if it would be slowing soon. I dusted some of the snow off my clothing and glanced up in surprise when I heard the crunch of footsteps. I hadn't expected the girl would show, and yet here she was stumbling to make her way into the clearing I was settled at the edge of. She had on actual winter clothing this evening – as opposed to the bed clothes she'd tackled me in the night before. I smiled at her when she waved upon spotting me and dashed my way, my cloak from the night before folded and tucked behind one of her arms. _

_ "Sorry." She was always apologizing. I appreciate people that knew their place but hearing constant amends made her seem less than genuine. "I tried to get out sooner but the other girls stayed up since there aren't classes tomorrow. I was worried they'd never go to sleep."_

_ "You appear tired yourself." I observed, there was a darkness around her eyes that had been lacking the night before. "If you were exhausted you need not come here simply because I order it."_

_ "You're my prince, of course I do." She answered, holding the cloak out toward me while looking at the snow in the same wonder she possessed the night before. She missed my moment of disappointment, as well as the slight bewilderment that came at her next words. "Besides, you're the best company I've had all day. This is a highlight for me."_

ooooo - ooooo - ooooo - ooooo - ooooo

The heat in the gardens, along with the humidity, left Dere very happy she'd worn a open flowing gown instead of breeches and a shirt as she sometimes did for the office. They'd barely gone outside and she could tell that more than a few minutes in this heat and she would be sweating. She didn't do much outdoor work. Thankfully Loki didn't seem to have anymore connection to the warmth than she, and only a few minutes after they'd entered the gardens he'd walked them to a gazebo overlooking a small stream – others were swift to vacate despite it being one of the only places enchanted to be kept cool even in the summer weather. They really hated him...

"So, you wished to know where I ended up after I fell into the void?" Loki confirmed, his normally relaxed posture had tensed slightly – little enough that many wouldn't notice but Dere did. She offered a quiet nod in hopes he would continue to speak on his own, this couldn't be easy if that was the manner in which he was reacting to it. She pushed away the urge to pull out her notebook, wanting nothing to hinder him telling his story.

"After Thor dropped me into the abyss I was no where, for a while at least. I wasn't really conscious. I imagine it was damaging to the psyche to fall between the worlds without the protective walls of a portal or the bi-frost. When I finally woke it was on a star far enough distant to Asgard that even Heimdall for all his gifts, would never see." Loki replied, he'd kept her gaze at first but that faltered and instead he looked out over the beautiful scenery of the palace gardens. Dere doubted he was seeing any of it, he was somewhere else in his mind, delving into memories he'd probably rather leave buried.

Loki remained quiet, thankful she hadn't immediately burst into more questions – should he even talk about what had happened? Thanos was a god of destruction in his own right, and given the promises his lieutenant's had made as to Loki's eventual fate for failing to attain earth and send him the Tesseract. He was less than pleased by the idea of explaining that part of his exile by Thor. He was still considering how wise it would be to risk it when she did eventually speak again.

"I have spoken with Thor as to many of these topics, he says that you let go of the staff he used to hold you. That you tossed yourself into the void after he destroyed the bi-frost. The same report was given by the all-father after the regrettable event. Are you reporting something different?" Dere remarked, her soft-spoken voice did little to comfort the lie he heard from that statement.

Loki was about to retort but then an image bubbled to the surface of his mind.

_"I could have done it father, I could have done it!" My voice cracked with emotion, as I tried to explain what it was I wanted during my short time on the throne. "For you, for all of us!"_

_ He continued to look down on me, and not all-together was that statement physical. Even with only one eye I knew he disapproved my methods – despite the fact they were more capable plans than anything he or Thor could have devised. I still am not certain if his next words were because he knew what I was about to do or in disapproval of what I'd done already._

_ "No, Loki." Odin's words weren't nearly as emotional as one would expect from a father._

_ "Loki, no!" Thor's concern meanwhile was infused in his voice as I began to let my fingers slip. The desperation that came from his yell when I finally cast myself out of the world that had lied to me my entire life. "Noooo!"_

As opposed to a retort Loki was left scanning his own mind, the sudden connection's coming back – it made him pause out of shock and then a burning anger that began to boil in his chest. Thanos had altered his memories as well...the red skinned demon had done more to Loki than he could have known. If it wasn't for his mother's drought to help him remember the memories Odin had stolen he wouldn't recognize the alteration at all – it had been subtle enough. Until a second before he'd thought it was Thor that had shook him free from the all-father's spear.

The Tesseract, that freak had used it to alter Loki's memories, his mind. Strong as Thanos was, it would have taken an infinity stone for him to successfully penetrate a god's mind. The arm of his bench snapped beneath the grip he'd leveled on it, reminding him of where he was. He glanced to Dere, she was clearly as disturbed by his sudden outburst as he was. He dropped the arm of the bench to the side, dusting off his hands.

"Perhaps you are right." Loki remarked, he couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. Did that creature think that he would tolerate this trespass? He would no sooner accept what Thanos had done than he would Odin. One step at a time he would see them both destroyed for their insults. Thanos had taught him more than enough of the infinity stones to know what would come if he was to gather them all into one place. He already had one here on Asgard...

"Are you well? If you need time we can continue tomorrow, or you can write it out as you did with other events." Dere suggested but he only pressed forward.

"No, I can continue. I met Thanos on the other side, a creature that even Odin would hesitate to take on alone. A man who would make other Asgardian's consider me the peak of sanity. He wishes to gather the Tesseract and other Infinity Stones to destroy the universe." Loki replied directly, smiling at the way she paused in her writing to stare at him in surprise. "Yes, a rather unwise course but he is obsessed with death – believes he can court her the same way the ladies here used to chase Thor. He had...persuasive methods I didn't fully understand until recently. I was convinced to take vengeance on the earth by him."

"Convinced how?" Dere pressed.

"I am owed quite a few questions by now." Loki commented, all the more amused at how uncomfortable the observation made her. He couldn't act too out of character – despite the amusement a new plot brought to the forefront of his mind. They wanted him to prove he was worthy of Asgard? He had quite the plan in mind. "I will indulge you however, he used the Tesseract to alter my mind, the way my parents used to whenever I learned something they didn't want me to know."

"You...remember things you didn't before?" She asked, he wasn't certain she could have covered up the hope in her voice no matter how she tried. It certainly made him curious as to what he would remember in regards to the elf. What had he been to her, certainly friendship doesn't seem to cover how far she was going for him. He'd only barely began to recall even small moments.

"Only a few things," Loki replied, honest answers for honest answers was the agreement he'd made with her. "My mother has only begun the treatments – but I cannot say what it will recover – thus far nothing has been very concrete until a moment ago."

Dere was shocked, she'd known of the memory alterations from Odin and Frigga. She'd read that once such mental augmentations were done they would be easier to repeat in the future – so in reality his parents had set him up to be the perfect target for others...it made her all the more resolved to get him some sort of redemption. Would Odin even believe it – that someone else had augmented Loki's mind as he had done?

"I believe you owe me four answers now. With it in mind that you do not like to owe me I can write out the rest of the interaction later as you suggested. Just have to figure out where I should start." Loki couldn't begin his gathering of the stones now, so he could entertain himself with the other game he had available. The more he could get out of this girl, the more he might be able to wind her around his fingers – for the things he need to accomplish after escaping his cell permanently would require allies.

"All right." She accented with that small edge of hesitation. She was becoming easier to read but it took him paying close attention to note the things that gave her away. "What else would you like to know?"

"We've already gone over how philanthropic your actions toward me are, and while mother was kind enough to tell me we were friends she didn't tell me why it was you would be doing this." He observed without asking his question just yet. "Going to places we once were together might help reconnect those pathways in my mind but being here in the gardens, where you claim we wet, has done nothing. Could you offer a hypothesis as to why that is?"

"We met in the winter my lord, we never came to the gardens in the heat as it is now." Dere replied, she should have realized something wasn't right when he'd requested to get out but now it was logical. Did he really have some possibility of remembering who she was? But then, he would remember the other parts of that time in his life...she couldn't really hope for that.

He nodded, the explanation was justified, this area looked completely different once the colder seasons hit. It also made more sense as he often hated coming out in this heat, even now it was miserable – and given the sweat that had built on Dere he imagined she wouldn't be enjoying it either. Even in the enchanted shell of the gazebo where they sat it was still stifling. "With that in mind, let us walk back inside as we continue the conversation. My room is far more comfortable."

"If you prefer my lord." She remarked, putting her bag over a shoulder before she stood, nearly jumping when she noticed he was in front of her. He offered an impish smile before holding out his arm. Manipulating her was going to be too easy – but after a few months in a prison he could use a bit of practice before the difficult events arose.

Eventually he would need to convince Odin that destroying Thanos was required for the good of the realm. Which was true, but if he could do it right then the old man might do half the work of gathering the infinity stones for him. That was for the future, he would get there, in the present he had a reaction to watch.

"We're we lovers in the past?" Loki asked Dere as nonchalantly as if he were curious as to if it were going to rain tomorrow.

**End Chapter**

Heh, I like that Loki can be painfully direct sometimes, it's amusing.

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	7. Chapter 7

Quick AN's: In case anyone forgot Dere has a corset piercing. It's brought up in this chapter but never directly called that so I figured I'd leave the brief reminder.

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter Seven:** _**Strategic Withdrawal**_

"_To withdraw isn't a sign of weakness... It is a sign that a man knows the limits of his capabilities and the most probable outcome of the future. One who retreats to fight another day isn't running away, but looking for another road towards the same destination." _

_**-Lionel Suggs**_

_**Loki:**_

_If she didn't have such an innocent expression, wearing her heart on her sleeve, I might have considered her words mockery. Her violet gaze took in the snowfall with all the same appreciation she had yesterday. More than that, I realized she wasn't glancing back at me nervously as so many did. I was infamous for being a trickster thanks to my brother and his mindless groupies that would call themselves my friends while only being his. They had the whole palace on edge around me because of how they talked of me using magic to such great skill._

_"Would you care to sit?" I used a small gesture to knock the snow from the rest of the bench where I was seated. The magic drying it's surface so she wouldn't have to be uncomfortable. "It seems a shame to put that much effort in without enjoying yourself for a while."_

_"It would be my honor." She answered, and I couldn't' tell if the red on her face was purely the result of the cold. She didn't seem concerned at my using magic, not a hint of the distrust that the majority offered. A moment later she'd settled on the bench next to me, still apparently content just to stare at the flakes fluttering around us. She wasn't at all like other courtier's, who would have been hanging from my every word and staring at me the entire time – if they dared speak to me at all. I must admit, the fact that she didn't actually seem interested only left me intrigued more as to this unique elf. _

_I sighed as I noticed despite her thick coat she was still shivering. I unraveled my cloak and placed it over her – it was the sort of thing I was expected to do and actually didn't mind in her case. "Why don't you enjoy watching the snow from inside if you get this chilled?"_

_"It's not the same experience." She replied, holding out a hand, grinning at the snow hitting her fingers before melting. I half thought she might be a little touched but then she was wise enough to wipe her hand off and put a glove back on. "Sometimes the most dangerous things are the most beautiful. They hypnotize us, I don't see why the snow can't be just as bewitching as a flame."_

_"Planning to take up poetry?" I asked, amused at the slightly dirty look she sent my way for the remark._

_"I know I probably just sound silly to you but I don't care, if you didn't like it you wouldn't be out here watching night after night either." She remarked. I glanced up with her, not sharing her same wonder for the precipitation but able to enjoy it nonetheless. I had to give her that I didn't mind it._

_ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo_

"We're we lovers in the past?" Loki asked Dere as nonchalantly as if he were curious as to if it were going to rain tomorrow.

Dere made a small sound that seemed somewhere between a choke and a squeak, it was entertaining enough to have made the question worth asking even if he hadn't wanted to know the answer to it. He'd strangled her poker face with six words. Certainly he wasn't going to be the one to break the silence, the way she silently fought for how to reply was all the more delightful. It wasn't common to bring an elf to such a point – and he imagined even less for this particular half-elf.

"No, no we never did that." Dere finally managed the flimsy reply. She opened her mouth as if to add something else or say anything, then simply shut it again.

"The idea so intrigues you that you can't even speak clearly." Loki couldn't help but nudge her at the embarrassment glowing from her – even her neck was red. He grinned like an imp as she blinked at him and shook her head a little to animatedly to be an honest answer.

"You should not ask a lady such things." She managed to pull the reply together faster this time, probably realizing that he was purposefully messing with her. "We were never lovers, and nor was that what I was looking for. I have not the time for such dalliances."

"We're answering honest questions here, you never once considered me in that way despite all the time you claim we spent together?" He was asking more out of curiosity now, the more he knew as to her feelings for him then the more ammunition he would have at his disposal.

"I..." Dere paused after the single word. Closing her eyes and pausing just inside the door after they walked into the inner room that held the magical Asgardian version of air conditioning to keep the area cool. "Loki, it is very unfair of you to ask me that."

"I never claimed to be honorable." Loki shrugged. "That was the game, was it not. Honest answers for honest answers – I didn't think you'd be so flustered. Certainly I'm going to assume an answer if you don't give me one so there isn't harm in saying it aloud."

_"There is...because once I say it I can't take it back...and if you forget again it will break me..."_

"Yes." Dere felt defeated, as if all the effort she'd taken to not give herself false hope was gone in that affirmation. She started walking back toward his room again. "I had considered you in that way many times in our youth."

"And now? I've seen the way you eye me over when you don't think I'm paying attention." Loki asked, this game – the infatuation she had with him drew him in. He had laid with women, a fair amount more than many were likely to ever believe, but they usually weren't as principled as this half-elf. Perhaps there was something bewitching about such a noble creature being taken by him – a monster by most of Asgard's accounts.

"If you really must waste time on questions such as this, I would think you should get to work getting me the report of what you went through beyond the void. Your treatment at the hands of this Thanos." Dere replied, knowing that it was not a smooth change of the subject but hoping he would take it.

He clicked his tongue at her, moving in front of her to open the door to his quarter's when she began to do so herself. She rolled her eyes at the smile still curled across his face as she went in at his gesture, it was a clear sign he wasn't going to let her out of this.

"I have, on rare occasion, appreciated you're presence more than I should my prince. My apologies for that, but whatever I've considered I am wise enough to know that such a thing is not possible." Dere's tongue felt like lead after she said it. As if it were a betrayal to everything she wanted to tell him, but it was what he needed to hear. Her own desires didn't matter, pursuit of any relationship with Loki – particularly at this time – would only do harm to his chances to get free of the dungeon.

"That is hardly a colorful answer, after you used to wax poetic about the snow all I get is that over-worded insincere drivel. I'm disappointed." Loki replied, his eyebrow raising at the long stare she offered. "I said I hadn't remembered much, just small scenes, a few conversations...you certainly lost a lot of your flair in the time between then and now."

He had started to remember her? Was that the only time? Certainly he hadn't recalled the last portion of their time together then...but at this rate...what was Frigga doing? Dere frowned at him instead of rising to the baiting, she squashed her moment of happiness because she knew that there were far less pleasant times awaiting in his mind if everything was unlocked. "Loki, you should stop this pursuit of past events. We cannot return to those years. They are best left in the past."

Loki paused, his amusement vanishing as he considered that answer. "You know why it was they locked my memories, you knew what I was all these years. I understand keeping it to yourself by order of the king and queen, even if you thought you were doing me some service as a friend. But, mother said that was why they removed my memory. What do you fear I'll unlock exactly? I already know I'm a monster."  
>Dere reached up against her better judgment to put a hand on his cheek, cupping it before she traced his cheekbone with her thumb. "You are not, and will never be a monster, not to me. Please take my word in this case, there are some things better left as ignorance."<p>

He searched her face, his own confusion clear as his eyes danced between both of hers – he already knew that she cared about him but he hadn't expected such palpable misery. He set his hand on hers, pulling it down from his cheek as his eyes grew moist a moment before he shook away the emotion. She knew what he was but desired him regardless... "No, no you wouldn't be so worried if you were actually innocent. What is it that bothers you so much you'll break this little wall you've built?"

Dere glanced at her hand and pulled back, turning away and walking back toward the door, frowning when he held a hand against it to block her exit. "Loki, just write out what I need to defend you."

"You owe me two answers." Loki's voice raised a hint, not budging when she went to pull at the door. "Tell me what happened."

Dere closed her eyes to take a deep breath, if she called out he would be knocked senseless by the guards and she could escape – but she didn't want that. She didn't want this at all – she didn't realize that her taking up this position would lead to him doing something so dangerous as trying to get his memory back. That she would fail so completely to protect him – it seemed she would never successfully do that. "If you want answers then those are the wrong questions, as I already said, I am sworn not to speak of those times and I will not break my wor..."

Her eyes widened as his hand clasped over her mouth – he'd spun her and pressed her against the door, leaning close enough to certainly make her worried. It pressed the metal in her back painfully against the wood, forcing the piercings along either side of her spine to pinch and pull her skin. After she winced he paused, frowning at the pain on her face and loosening his grip. "Stop giving me that nonsense about honor – you know it will happen either way so it's a moot ideal. What is it you're hiding? Just tell me now, because it will come to light no matter what."

"This was a mistake..." Dere muttered to herself in bittersweet amusement. "I just wanted to be the one to look out for you for once."

"What?" That wasn't the reply Loki expected.

"It doesn't matter. I will tell you after the trial if you haven't already remembered by that time. We have things we need to focus on before then. Getting you a fair shot at getting free is more important to me than this question ploy of yours." She replied. It wasn't a compromise. He'd seen enough people with a determined expression to know that no matter how he pressed she wasn't going to give on this topic.

"Then, I'll reserve the question's I earn for a later date." Loki remarked, he was certain he would have more he'd want to know once he did recall more of their history. "Then I imagine I should let you off for your other duties. I will have the other missive you asked for delivered to you."

Dere was surprised he backed down so easily but only nodded, opening the door and pausing. She wanted to say something but she couldn't tell if that was her own desire to feel better or for the good of the man inside. She stepped out a moment later, she wouldn't do anything for herself if it would hurt Loki, what sort of person would that make her. She hurried away – better to bury herself in her work.

**End Chapter**

Moving things along steadily, slow but steady wins the race or something like that XD

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	8. Chapter 8

Quick AN's: More like a moment of trivia this chapter. Did you know in the comic books that Jane was Loki's first fangirl? When he arrived she thought his name made him sound romantic. XD

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter Eight:** _**Invisibility**_

"_Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another; "What! You too? I thought no one but myself...""_

**-C.S. Lewis, ****_The Four Loves_**

**_Loki:_**

_"You use magic?" I found myself more surprised than I expected. Generally the practice was frowned upon in any of the realms. I knew elves were often more forgiving but I hadn't expected such a thing from the half-elf. I'd asked idly why she wasn't afraid but I hadn't expected her to be capable in the art herself._

_"Not well my lord." She offered the demure answer, glancing at the ground. She was either well trained as a courtier or naturally shy – I presumed a combination of the two. "I just thought knowing a few things would be good. How do you think I stay warm sitting out with you for so many hours every night?" _

_"Why didn't you tell me?" I was a little excited by the prospect of someone else that was capable magic. "What can you do?"_

_"Well, I am not very good, as I said. I can only do a few things. I can help keep myself warm or cool depending on the need. In class I keep my ink filled or get my quill to write on it's own if my wrist starts to ache. Nothing else really – I just learned very specific spells." She was rambling again, I noticed she did that when she felt she might be judged poorly._

_"It is more than most can do." Loki observed. Clearly she was no where near his level of skill, but the fact that she could cast any spells at all was impressive. "If you want to learn more I could always teach you."_

_Her eyes shot up from the ground, for a moment I thought she would be fearful but she looked appreciative. A smile hinted at her lips. "Really? You aren't teasing me?"_

_"I think anyone that would desire to use magic and has the talent should have the chance to learn it." I replied, it wasn't wholly honest. Then, I wasn't sure myself why I was being so much kinder to this youth than I was to most others. It had to be that she seemed willing to be my friend no matter what else she had heard about me. She didn't once seem to distrust me despite all others would say. I suppose I appreciated the loyalty. _

_"We can work later this week after I return. I'll be away for a while as I have to go on a hunt with Thor and his toadies. It shouldn't take more than a few days so let us plan on this weekend. Don't forget to bring back my cloak."_

_The hunt took far longer than it should have because Thor was being his usual pigheaded self and wouldn't listen. Routing the enemy trolls would have been simple had he been willing to hear reason but no, he just wanted to bash in heads and rush forward in the least subtle manner imaginable. To say I was frustrated by the time the two weeks we were stuck there was over would be an understatement._

_When I finally was able to go out to the field I was looking forward to seeing Dere again, always with my cloak neatly folded in her arms. I'm not sure why I continued to offer it to her, with her winter clothing and having mastered a spell for warmth she wouldn't need it. Perhaps it was just a security blanket, a way to try and make certain she would always return for the unloved secondary prince._

_If I thought she had begun to look tired before I left, that night she seemed almost like the dead. It only heightened my dissatisfaction – I had wanted to work with illusions and beginning to teach her as I'd promised and she hadn't even taken the time to get a little sleep?_

_"My prince." She said, a smile across her face despite the clear tired she must be feeling. She seemed almost surprised to see me. "I hope your day went well."_

_"It was acceptable." I gave my usual reply and dusted off the bench next to me as had become protocol between us. "Come and take a seat."_

_"Thank you, I wasn't sure when you would return. I'm glad to see you have." She said, her voice still slightly discolored with the fatigue._

_"You've been coming out every night to wait for me?" I realized the reason for her exhaustion even as I spoke the question._

_"Of course, since the night we'd agreed upon." She nodded, there wasn't any resentment in her expression even though that was well over a week ago. "I wasn't certain when you would be here so I waited."_

_She waited in the cold for me every night for almost a full week? _

_"I think it would be nice to take a break and appreciate the sky for a while. It hasn't been clear of clouds much lately and they are more pleasant after being off world for a while." I gestured up and she followed suit. One of her hands raised, she murmured an apology a moment before the yawn came on her. _

_I'm not sure why I did what came next. I pulled her a little closer and settled her head on my shoulder. Maybe I just wanted to use her later, pull some long con. Perhaps I just wanted to sit with someone for a while – break the monotony of loneliness I felt when I was with the others. I stayed like that a long time, not talking and just watching the stars in the distance. The chill of the air was comfortable to me. When I did finally turn my eyes back, I was all the more surprised that she'd fallen asleep._

ooooo - ooooo - ooooo -ooooo - ooooo

Loki had managed to practice enough with the limiting chain clasped around his neck to become invisible for an extended period without being noticed. All his time wasn't stolen by Dere for his defense since she had other duties she must accomplish. He didn't waste his time, who knew how little he may have if she failed at her desire to get him free. He'd spent part of the morning stalking different people in the palace to test how much he'd managed to get stronger even with the chain on his neck.

His memories were still scattered, though he had recalled that Dere once controlled magic – self-taught to some decree. He recalled having offered to teach her – and her acceptance so he could only assume she was far better at the art in the present. He hadn't seen her use it, so what else could she be hiding?

Eventually steps took him to near her office, he wanted to know what it was she seemed so frightened to tell him, and he might learn more if he spied on her. As he got closer he heard raised tones that got him to perk a brow and shift closer to listen to what was happening on the other side of the open door.

"You're really keeping on with this?" Another bookkeeper (Jakob) was giving her trouble, likely about Loki's case. He peered around the open frame.

Dere didn't even look up at her fellow bookkeeper. She was actually making a visible dent in the work that had piled up and she wasn't going to slow for anyone. "You look like you haven't slept in a week Dere, you know it's not going to matter, you shouldn't lose rest over him."

"I'm so glad to hear you have such little faith in my skill as a defender. I'll remember that should you ever ask for my services." Her words were less kind than usual but she didn't have the patience to put up with his nonsense racism today.

Loki applauded her clipped insult from outside. _"Well well, there's that fire I thought you'd lost...just takes the right instance to bring it to the surface."_

"Whoa, don't kill the messenger. I just think you shouldn't be wasting time on a jerk like that. Even if you succeed everyone will distrust you, you should let it go before you're completely outcast." Jakob frowned and put his hands on his hips.

_"Adding to the list of people I'll see removed once I get some title back..."_ Loki eyed the man over to mental note who else would disappear. There were days none would dare speak such views so openly – for fear of Heimdall if not himself.

"Get out Jakob." Dere retorted, still not looking up. "Now."

"Whatever, maybe he has cast some spell on you." Jakob remarked, just as angry albeit only because they had opposite views. Shaking his head at her, he headed out of the office. Loki considered appearing but his brother was coming up the hall this way and he didn't want the oaf to know he was starting to be able to control his powers even with the contraption they made him wear.

This still made for an equally amusing experience. The upstart book-keep pausing to stare nervously at the large man that had come to visit Dere. He bowed and stammered. "L-l-lord Thor. I..."

"The lady asked you to leave I believe." Thor remarked, and Jakob might as well have been the color of a ghost as he all but dashed away from the office. Loki settled a finger over his mouth as a personal pause. He had to make certain not to make noise or his brother would notice him even if he wasn't visible.

_"I suppose I must admit you have your occasional uses." _Loki thought at Thor's remark.

Dere perked a brow at the arrival of the larger of the prince's of Asgard, standing from her desk politely.

"No no, please sit." Thor said as he stepped just inside her door. Loki ducked by him to stand in one of the corners, his face wrinkling when Thor glanced curiously at where he was standing. Then his brother shook his head and glanced back at Dere. Loki was safe for now. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I was walking up and heard the end of your exchange. May we speak."

"Of course my lord." Dere nodded to the extra chair in the office – seating herself in her new chair since Loki had broken the last. "What can I do to help you?"

The larger brother took a seat across from her – dwarfing not just the size of the seat – but that of the office. He seemed a bit like a overlarge animal shoved into a cage clearly too small to actually hold it. Loki frowned a little as Dere smiled at Thor. Less concerned with covering her emotions in front of his brother if this reaction was any indication.

"I am concerned, I have heard rumor that Loki mistreats you." Thor spoke honestly.

_"Ever the hero..."_ Even Loki's thoughts were dry.

"I am not mistreated by your brother my lord." Dere replied to the surprise of the invisible spy. "I know you must not think well after having to knock him unconscious weeks ago but I know he won't hurt me."

"How could you possibly know that? The only one who could know Loki's mind is him." Thor replied. "I seek a just trial for Loki as much as you do, but I don't want you to become hurt in the process."

_"So that was Thor that interrupted..." _Loki sneered at his brother, annoyed at this little interlude. _"I can feel the concern for me oozing from you." _

"I am not so fragile that a fall from a chair would frighten me away from doing the right thing my lord." Dere stated neutrally, her mask naturally falling back into place when she was on guard. "Is that all you came here to ask about?"

Loki was curious as to why she had such faith that he wouldn't harm her. Certainly he would hesitate to do anything permanent given the short leash he was kept on but that didn't mean she meant much more than a place as a pawn on his board. If sacrificing her got him a better position he was unlikely to hesitate to do what was needed.

"No, I wished to know how my brother is doing? Mother has been wandering about the same way she used to when they had meetings together for her to teach him magic. I can only presume they're up to something." Thor explained.

_"More clever than I would give you credit for."_ Loki observed, shocked his brother had put together such clues.

"I would imagine you should speak with them." Dere answered, reminding Loki how much she could be like Frigga at times. "It is not my place, should I even know what the queen is doing, to speak for them or rumormonger."

"I worry for them, my mother has always favored Loki, and while I can appreciate that since they share similar talents I don't wish to see her suffer for trying to aid him – or for you to." Thor stated, offering his best puppy eyes at Dere. The expression that often got anyone, including mother, to give into him – Loki had even fallen for it on occasion over the centuries.

"It is nice to see that you concern yourself so much but I am well, and I already stated that it is not my place to speak for your mother." Dere remarked, cold as midnight. "If you are truly this worried for your brother, perhaps you should speak to him yourself."

"He does not listen to me Lady Aislinn." Thor replied, sounding more bothered by the statement than Loki would expect. He knew his brother still held some sort of love after the way they'd grown up together but he didn't reflect those warm feelings.

"I am not certain Loki listens to anyone. However, that does not mean you should give up on him if you really care for him." Her answer had Loki scowling from his place spying on the pair's conversation.

_"Why is it exactly that -you- care about me?" _Loki thought as his gaze burned into the half-elf, wishing they would conclude this interlude so he could return to his quarters – he couldn't keep up his illusion and teleport as well. It would be too draining to his limited supply of magic.

"You are a good person Lady Aislinn. I am happy we have citizen's in Asgard that would help my brother despite all he has done. If you need any further information or aid from me do not hesitate to ask." Thor said, standing from his seat – Dere following suit gracefully. "You need not stand for me my lady, I should be thanking you. I know this cannot be easy for you, that others do not treat you well as a result of your brave stance. If anyone bothers you or threatens you, not just Loki, do not hesitate to let me know."

_"Aren't you just the perfect little prince..."_ Loki rolled his eyes at Thor's gesture. Though it did bother him on some level that Dere might be targeted – should she disappear then so would his chances to escape the dungeon – or at least his best chances given she wanted to help him because of her infatuation and not for any payment.

"Thank you your highness, I will remember that." Dere said with a polite smile in place, he could tell she was losing patience and it amused him. She hadn't lied to him all those years before – his brother didn't appear to be able to charm her the way he had so many others.

"Good day then." Thor said after a moment of awkward quiet, heading around to the door to leave, closing it after him which only drew a frown to Loki's face. Wasn't it open before he got here? Loki assumed most people knew to leave an office the way they found it – leave it to his brother to fail at common sense.

_"Idiot."_ Loki thought after him not certain how he could escape the office since Dere had only gone back to her page. She wasn't likely to move for hours – and he would run out of magic before then. Not to mention he would get far too bored to just sit here...instead he sat in the chair and drummed his fingers to announce his presence even as he let the illusion fade.

Dere only gave a short glance before she rolled her eyes at the green light curling around him as he became visible. Her pen returned to the paper. "I do not currently have time to discuss your case, if you wish to aid me then I could use your reports of what you did on earth. What was your doing? What were orders from Thanos through the mind control? Any other details you find relevant."

"I didn't come to discuss my case." Loki replied. "As if I'd willingly submit myself to the misery of your examinations, I will write out your requests later – in all the detail I've already offered but you must do something for me."

Dere resisted the first urge to smirk at his challenge, instead pausing in her writing to look at him seriously. He was in a good mood, his relaxed posture wasn't forced. She pursed her lips as she tried to decipher what it is he might be after. "I cannot agree to anything without knowing what it is you want in trade."

"Of course, you don't agree to buy something unless you know how much it costs." Loki said as if he expected that. "The midsummer ball is in a week – my mother tells me I've been invited to join the rest of the nobles and I require a date."

"You want me to attend a dance, with you?" Dere's brows drew together, confused at the invitation. "Why?"

"I wish to see how the others will respond to my presence, given my limbo status I want to know how people would treat me now – before this chance at redemption you hope I achieve." Loki replied with his mischievous grin in place. "I'd like to know who my enemies are if they're brave enough to openly show themselves."

"So, you don't need me for that, I have work here to do." Dere answered, lifting her quill to the parchment to return to her copying. "I apologize that you are bored but you should find alternative things to do than tease me."

She frowned when his hand pulled the quill from her, leaving a small trail of ink that meant she would have to recopy the entire page. She was darting her gaze between him and the page, exasperated that he'd ruined the work she'd done so far. "What are you..."

"I want an answer." Loki said, twirling the quill in his fingers as he moved it from her reach before letting it vanish in a shimmer of green. Grinning as she paused her pursuit of the feather to frown at him.

"I hardly make enough on my salary even with a stipend from my mother to buy a dress for that sort of event." Dere stated, crossing her arms and doing her best not to pout since he'd taken her favorite pen and ruined a good twenty minutes of work – she'd nearly had that page finished.

"Then I'll go a step further and make certain you have a lovely dress and all the trinkets a woman attending such a ball requires. Besides, you spend all your days in this office – wouldn't you enjoy a night off?" Loki was curious. She clearly admired him, he'd seen the way she looked him up and down the day he hadn't been wearing a shirt. Where had all the passion he'd seen in his memories gone? She used to wear her heart on her sleeve, and now she rarely seemed to show it at all.

"I prefer to spend my nights off with a good book but if it will get me the rest of your statements then I will agree. I'll expect them before the dance occurs or I will continue my work here." She replied, adding without looking at him (for she had to dig out more paper). "Now give me my quill back and get out of my office."

**End Chapter**

Heh, Dere doesn't like when you mess with her paperwork, she's like 'no'. XD

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	9. Chapter 9

Quick AN's: This chapter is the first time Loki's actually seen her piercing – though I've mentioned it before. Corset piercings btw, are normally just temporary but I'm taking some liberties since it's fiction.

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter Nine:** _**Nothing is Free**_

"_You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway."_

_**-Steve Maraboli**_

_**Dere:**_

_I had spent the last thirty minutes staring at the small decorated invitation at a loss as to how to respond. It was elaborate in a way only a royal could manage. The trim at the edges – green ivy with golden flowers – went through a slow pre-programmed pattern of movement. The flowers would bloom, blossom, then explode in small pinpricks of light.. Enchanted like some of the ancient texts, the piece of enchanted parchment alone could fetch a poor family enough money to eat well for a month. _

_Lovely as the image was, it wasn't what had shocked me into my quiet consideration of the written request. The words are what had left me silent, I read them again – as if looking them through for the fourth dozen time might alter what was in front of me:_

_**"To my esteemed Lady Aislinn,**_

_**"It would be my greatest honor to accompany you to the winter solstice celebration taking place in two weeks time. I must offer my apologies that I could not give you more notice but I hope that you will accept this gift as a step toward preparation. I believe that you could bring out the beauty within them.**_

_**-Your Prince**_

_**Loki Odinson of Asgard"**_

_The signature was unmistakably my friend, my teacher. The mischievous Stygian haired royal that had stolen most of my nights for the past two months. It was far more proper than I was accustomed to from him but any such invitations would have to be approved by the queen and king. Events such as this were heavily controlled at the highest level because of the politics involved. Why would he want to invite me?_

_Then there was the box – a pair of teardrop shaped earrings with dark gemstones polished to the point that they could almost work as mirrors. It was the first time I was forced to admit that I loved the invitation – that despite the fact I'd claimed over and over I was not interested in being a courtier that I wanted to be closer to the trickster that I'd spent my nights learning magic from. I was so happy as I continued to re-read the letter that my cheeks ached from the smile. For all my remarks as to disinterest in romance, I found I couldn't help but want it now. I never had a chance after his silver tongue first addressed me._

_ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo_

"Don't you think me spending my time preparing my opening statements and my case – for you – is a little more important than this?" Dere asked. She doubted she could keep the whole of the scowl off of her face no matter how experienced she was at remaining professional. Loki had taken her comment of needing a dress much further than she expected. There was a whole team of seamstresses and other attendants in his quarter's when she'd come to ask a few simple questions about the case and before she could protest she'd been pulled behind a screen to get a final fitting done then and there. There wasn't just one option, there were several...and all were breathtakingly beautiful. It was a reminder that even as a fallen prince Loki held incredibly sway and power on Asgard.

It's the very thing he wanted to make a statement about, the reason he wanted to attend this ball at all – it was a political ploy. The sort of thing she'd always avoided the court to stay away from. But here she was, admiring the lovely gown and the way the skirt fell around her almost like a bell from her waist. She had to admit that it was kind of nice even if she'd never say so aloud.

"You have already gotten a fair amount complete, you're opening statement is nearly finished and more idyllically phrased than I expected. It can use a bit more refining but you will have more than enough time." Loki commented from his bed on the other side of the walls brought in to keep her separate from view while she changed. "Besides, the dance begins in a few hours. There is no other chance to get it finished after you've avoided it all week."

"You broke into my desk?" She said, hoping she kept the nervousness out of her voice.

"I had to make certain that you were doing well enough to have this outing." Loki replied, flipping a page in the book he was half reading while the fittings took place. "I have to say I'm impressed with your efforts thus far."

"Stay out of my desk." Dere replied, hoping he hadn't dug in and broken into her diary. She hadn't written in the book in years but it was not something she would want him to read. "I'll do my job perfectly well without your snooping."

"I cannot be blamed for double checking your..." Loki paused as she walked where he could see her. She looked incredibly different dolled up the way he'd asked them to make her. The stuffy drawn back simple style of hair was replaced by a pair of strands left to frame her face in the front and worked into a circle of tight braids with lillies of the valley entwined so they would hang similar to laurel's. The flowers were blended in so well they could have been growing from her mercury locks, a few strands of green curling close to her pointed ears. The rest of her hair falling down to her hips where it was left free – almost a holy ambiance around her.

"The flowers tickle my ears." Dere commented to the attendants. She hadn't seemed to notice his pause, she was inspecting herself in his mirror's. Having many angles on the lengthy reflections to see just about all of it as she turned this way and that to consider it.

Her dress was a rich purple, with green and gold highlights that would match his own colors, it left her back free all the way to just above her hips. Revealing her corset piercing, tied with a ribbon to match the green he wore. He hadn't realized she would have such invasive taste in body art. There was a clasp around the back of her neck but no sleeves. A diamond shaped opening in the front that showed off her chest – breasts pulled together and pushed higher as these sort of gowns were often designed for. It accented her hourglass figure before the skirt widened with a slightly lighter shade Taffeta that shimmered lightly in the rays of sun from his balcony.

Dere tugged at gloves that reached above her elbows – uncomfortable with the finery they'd put her into. Glancing back to Loki, prepared to make some smart comment but the expression he was offering her left her wordless. The way he stared at her was not the way someone looked at a councilor...and never the sort of attention someone gave her. When his eyes moved up to meet hers she knew she was blushing – he'd undressed her in that short glance she was certain.

Her mouth failed her and instead she looked back at the mirror and then to the tailor, silently begging them to say something, anything. The worker had been watching the short silent exchange but spoke then, as if picking up on Dere's quiet distress.

"It fits well, I'd say there only need to be a couple minor adjustments made, how does it feel?" She appreciated the man's ability to get right back to business. Somehow managing to force herself to follow suit.

"Good." She would have said that no matter if it felt like she was suffocating, right now she just wanted to escape this embarrassing position. "Thank you."

"Well, let me make a couple of pins and we can take it off before you try again." The tailor said politely, moving forward to look at the length of the fabric that went from her waste up to behind her neck. A few portions were slightly loose and it seemed he wanted to fix that now. At least Loki had returned to the pages of his book so he wasn't just leering at her but her heart was still fluttering against her chest.

It didn't matter how he looked at her, or the ache that rose in her abdomen when he did. She had to remain professional, for his sake. People were still whispering about how she must be under his spell and going to this dance with him wasn't going to make that any less viable a hypothesis to many of the masses. This wasn't her normal armor however, she felt exposed in this manner of dress – she'd quit being a courtier a long time ago – and dressing like one left her out of her element.

Her face held more make up than she'd worn in a year on her own. They'd used far more eyeshadow than she was accustomed to, as well as liner that came out to the sides to make her eyes seem longer than they were – sparkling gemstones adhered with some sort of glue to her face. It all felt needlessly excessive.

The earrings she always wore were still in place, the dark gems glittering almost as much as her face now did. It was more than she could have predicted. Loki hadn't failed when he'd told her he would make certain she was fully prepared for the ball.

"Do I have to change again?" Dere was getting tired of the on and off of dresses. After the way Loki had reacted she already knew he'd insist on this one of the options available. They didn't have time for her to be picky regardless. "Won't it look better if you make the adjustments while I'm wearing it?"

"I can try my lady, but I'd rather not poke you on accident." The tailor said, clearly nervous to hurt her – which she could only assume had something to do with Loki in the room.

"It's fine, I've taken worse." She replied. "I just want to get this over with."

Thankfully Loki remained distracted by the pages of his book. She was able to relax a little as the tailor worked, looking back at herself in the mirror again. It was like seeing a different person – or at least one she knew a very long time ago. She hadn't dressed like this since her days as a student. It was alarming how young they'd made her look.

It had been a dance then as well – a different time of year but still the theme was so close that the concept frightened her.

She was still lost in her memories when the tailor announced he was finished. The other attendant's lingered around her to make sure her hair and make up were perfect before they retreated from Loki's quarter's. Dere swallowed as she looked at herself.

"I look silly." She commented, still half lost in her memories.

"Silly is not the adjective I would choose." Loki remarked from nearby, he'd gotten up after they'd left to approach her. He was wearing his own full regalia – minus the horned helmet given there shouldn't be any battle. She bit her lip at the dejavu and didn't say anything else to him.

No, no. She was older now, wiser, she could control her own actions. It was just a social event, nothing more, there was nothing more it could be. Jumping when she felt something cool touch her chest. Purple eyes shot to Loki and then down. He'd put a necklace around her without her seeing his arms – it was so Loki she shouldn't have been surprised – but the tear-drop shaped hematite locket matched her earrings.

"I felt this would finish off the picture, something was missing before it." Loki commented, tracing the chain down to straighten the pendant. Dere was overwhelmed, moisture threatening in her eyes as she tried to blink back tears. He hadn't remembered...or there wouldn't be confusion on his face at her distraught reaction.

"Excuse me...I think some of the make up got in my eyes." The excuse was clearly a lie, but he didn't pause her as Dere rushed into the adjoining bathroom and closed the door. Doing her best not to let the tears fall – it would wreak havoc on the make up those people had taken hours to perfect. She tried to take slow steady breaths and calm her frayed nerves. Nearly leaping out of her skin when there was a knock on the other side of the door.

"Dere." Loki's voice was still confused, but there was a bit of concern in the joking comment which followed. It only made her feel worse. "I didn't realize you disliked the stone so much or I would have picked something else."

**End Chapter**

Daw, poor Dere. I at least feel bad for her. And Loki makes me laugh...

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	10. Chapter 10

Quick AN's: Not much to say this time really...

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter Ten:** _**Gilded Snakes**_

"_You can't hurt me because_

_I'm a scorpion that wears a sting._

_I'm a snake that holds venom._

_But be my friend and I will always protect you."_

_**-Barbelo**_

_**Dere:**_

_I should have been smarter, hidden away the gift and the invitation before any of the other girls could find it. But hindsight is often crystal clear and I didn't realize just how completely my fellow courtier's could feel envy – even for a boy they claimed to never want or trust. The following morning they discovered my invitation while I took my bath. They ripped it to shreds and left it on top of my bed with several notes of their own._

_**"As if a bastard child would ever be good enough to be with a prince."**_

_**"The dark prince only wants to use you as some exotic conquest and then you'll be tossed aside." **_

_**"I didn't realize elves were such whores – or is just because you're a worthless half-breed that you spread your legs?" **_

_**"Do you really go out and sleep with him in the woods every night?" **_

_**"What a shameful girl, you give the rest of the courtier's poor names."**_

_The mockery went on, some worse than the few examples I offer, but the idea remains the same. I'd become an outcast in the day after I'd felt such jubilation by receiving acceptance. I didn't cry, I wouldn't show them such weakness, I only gathered the small bits of paper that remained from the letter Loki had given me and put them in an envelope – though the magic was lost now – the flowers no longer bloomed._

_Leaving the area after putting in the earrings he'd given me, I wouldn't let them shame me when I'd done nothing wrong. I thought perhaps I could escape them in the cafeteria, and then the classrooms, and then the library. It didn't matter where I went. I was suddenly some pariah and people who used to pay me no mind would purposefully look at me and call out insults. In a matter of one day I'd suddenly become some target and I didn't know how to handle it. I wanted a moment to myself but girl's and the young men that courted them were everywhere – it was if they'd planned out not giving me a moment to myself._

_I eventually tried the gardens, thinking that I might escape in the same place where I first met Loki. Might be able to salvage some good thoughts after this tirade of negativity. I wanted only to be able to speak with him, find out what he wanted out of asking me out. When I reached our usual hideaway however there were more girl's from the dorms – the ones that were the ringleaders most times. I had never paid close attention to the childish politics, but I knew enough to realize that they were probably the ones that had done all of this._

_I was just going to leave, to walk away and look elsewhere for a place to be alone but they stepped in front of me and blocked my retreat – I knew what was coming. They would posture and preen about how I didn't deserve a prince, how it was all going to amount to nothing. They would say anything they could to tear me down, to insult the relationship I'd built. To try and insert some sort of insecurity, and it was all for naught, they would fail. Then they would attack, there were five of them and one of me and they were already circling for the kill._

_I didn't give them the pleasure of the mockery or throwing the first punch. I must admit, the memory of that conceited girl's nose breaking, the crack that came when I put my fist into her face – remains immaturely satisfying._

_ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo_

The ballroom was as alive with color as a pasture full of wildflowers in the springtime – but might as well have been filled with poisonous snakes as far as Dere was concerned. Eventually she'd managed to settle her nerves and leave Loki's bathroom when one of his servants had come in and distracted him. She'd continued with the lie that she had something caught in her eye but could tell he didn't believe her. At least he'd let it go for the time being.

For now she had larger concerns, entering this ballroom was like agreeing to a chess game but with many more players and with no one person understanding all the possible moves or where all the pieces currently stood. Where everyone thought they were kings or queens but often played multiple roles on the board – particularly pawns. She was out of her league but given she had a master manipulator whose arm she was holding onto she didn't feel quite as frightened as she would have otherwise. Loki wouldn't have brought her here if he didn't have a plan; that much she didn't doubt.

Loki was far more confident than Dere. He radiated self-assurance despite the many uncertain glances and conspiratorial whispers the pair of them were earning from the other participants in this convoluted competition of civics. She felt a blush come to her face as he leaned closer to her to whisper – his breath hot along her ear, tickling the hairs on her neck. "Stand a little straighter Lady Aislinn, I am the one escorting you after all. Try to appear less miserable. Assuming you actually care if people think you are under some spell. Put up that elven wall of yours."

Dere forced herself into a better posture and schooled her expression before offering a bit of a coy smile to Loki – play the role she was given, she could do that. The queen was the most powerful piece on a chess board – and she was on the arm of a prince. "So, what are we doing here really? You must have had someone specific in mind if you went to all this trouble."

"Much better." Loki said approvingly, escorting her further into the room as his eyes scanned the crowd, making note of all the expressions around them. "I do have a few people in mind. Some have yet to arrive, but a few are here. Most notably, the Lord and Lady Neschian, dressed in black and red, near the side doors, both blonde, speaking with a couple in blue."

"I see them." Dere confirmed, not looking too directly as they came passing near one of the pillars. Continuing to chat like all the rest of the people around the hall. "Neschian sounds familiar."

"The family has been famous for years, they're from Vanaheim originally but a few have married into the nobility here on Asgard over the years. I imagine you might have been in a class close to hers in your college years. Masin Kilka used to be her name." Loki explained.

"Masin..." Dere repeated in surprise. "I recognize her. Did you remember more of our past?"

Masin and her goons had beaten Dere into unconsciousness when they were still in school together. Loki had known about it then, but what he had or hadn't remembered was up in the air. Dere figured it was only fitting that she have to deal with the woman again now. It seemed all the same demons would pop up to remind her why she shouldn't grow too close to Loki. She pushed the hesitation to the side, she promised to help him and that is exactly what she would do.

"No...but it seems you know her fairly well. Something you care to share?" Loki asked, maneuvering them slowly closer to the aforementioned couple without making it obvious as they walked through the crowd.

"Nothing you probably won't remember regardless. Masin was a bully in her years at the college, I was one of many victim's she had through the years." Dere replied honestly, she didn't think about it much these days. "You believe she is against you?"

"Yes, there has been a group working to undermine my upcoming trial and she, as well as her husband, are a part of it." Loki answered, giving a small smile as if whatever they were discussing was funny. A show for the people watching, Dere managed to reflect his expression. "There are others, but I want to know how deep it runs. How confident they are - if they'll make a move on me here."

"So you invited me along? I'm not exactly a god Loki, not all Asgardian's have the constitution of you or your brother." Dere hissed while keeping the smile plastered to her expression. "You're going to get me killed."

"Of course not, they were going to attack you while you worked in your office tonight," Loki answered, she was certain he almost grinned at the shocked moment she offered that revelation. "I'm here to be your bodyguard tonight Dere, I couldn't have someone killing my representation."

Dere wanted to yell at him, or kick him, or do something – anything other than follow him right up to the couple that he just told her wanted to assassinate her – or at least were involved with it. She dove behind that wall he'd mentioned, using it to great effect to be able to offer a false smile to the pair of snakes giving her the same.

"Lord and Lady Neschian." Loki's smooth voice altered, it was less warm than a moment ago when he'd been addressing Dere. "A pleasure to see you both could make it out to the ball, I know things on Vanaheim have been busy."

"Yes, what with all the trouble across the realms." Masin spoke first – she must hold the reigns in the relationship. Her dark gaze didn't match the pleasant smile on her lips. "People using the infinity stones to their own devices and starting wars off world – it's all positively barbaric – wouldn't you say Loki?"

"Oh, I'd say it makes things more interesting, livens them up. Wouldn't you say the courts get rather dull – playing the politics day in and out. Never getting anywhere." Loki replied, not letting the girl's mockery vex him – but sounding just about as petty. Dere glanced between them and left them to their own battle unless she was pulled in. Masin was out of her league in every category against the prince of lies – Dere knew she wasn't needed so instead she inspected the man on Masin's arm.

He was slightly older, clearly she'd been married to someone probably a millennium her senior – still young for Asgard but not that experienced. He seemed as nervous as Dere felt at the exchange, she slightly pitied the male. She offered a small smile, as if to say she shared his uncertainty and he mirrored it for her, following her gaze back to their respective escorts.

"Some of us understand the roles we're given as opposed to doing anything for a chance at a rise well above our station." Masin remarked. "Besides, some power is better than none I would think."

"Gave up your dream of marrying Thor then? You did used to speak of him so often in the dorms when we were still in school." Loki's thumb traced Dere's hand where he held it, as if to indicate she was where he'd heard about it. Compassion was something she couldn't afford despite her moment of shared discomfort so she just offered Loki a smile and followed his gaze back to Masin, listening to him. "I imagine you learned your place after he chose a mortal on Midgard? Isn't that when you finally accepted your Lord's proposal?"

"You are overstepping..." The Lord Neschian began to interrupt. It was clear Loki wasn't here to be subtle, he didn't have much time to cull friend from foe but even Dere was surprised at his directness.

"I don't think so." Loki cut the soft-spoken Lord off, his eyes staring into the others males a long moment – showing dominance before he smiled and let those malachite eyes drift back to Masin. "I think it is better to remind those around me that before long my position will be returned – and that I have a long memory. Anyone that is caught in any plots against me or my council will be pursued to the fullest extent of the law. If you'll both excuse us, I'd like to take my lady dancing."

A flash of hate curled through Masin's face, it was brief but strong enough that Dere stared a moment longer than Loki – who's already appeared to dismiss them both. He was already walking away and she fell into step while still staring back at the woman. This wasn't the girl in college that had only beaten Dere, this was a creature that wouldn't hesitate to finish the job this time. Her dislike wasn't reserved for Loki alone – Dere assumed Masin never forgave her for breaking her nose.

Loki smirked after they escaped toward the band that was playing. "Well, she made that easy enough."

"Masin's never been great at hiding her dislike of others." Dere replied matter of fact. "I can see why she would be involved in such a plot, but I doubt she would be the mastermind."

"It isn't the best or most secretive conspiracy so I wouldn't be too quick to assume she wouldn't be capable of it – but I agree – I think there might be another level to it." Loki remarked, pausing near the band and leaning in to request a slow dance. "Don't be too quick to dismiss her husband, he's had centuries to perfect his cowardly act. He's actually more than fair with a blade and Masin's far from his first wife. He's more likely to be in control of the design than she is."

"Are you sure? She seemed like she'd be quick to snap the whip." Dere commented, walking with a bit of trepidation out toward the dance floor with Loki. It was only more intimidating that most people still parted to make way for him. He didn't hold a title at this time, but just the doubts people had as to where he would stand after the trial had most of them treating him the way one would expect of a full member of the royal family.

"Oh, I doubt he has it as easy as a few of his past wives, but he's the one with he position." Loki commented, holding one of her hands up while his other arm slipped behind her waste, offering a counterbalance as she leaned back slightly against his embrace. Waltz – it was one of the easiest dances, she hoped her feet would catch up given how many eyes were on them. She wasn't supposed to look at him for this piece but they could still discuss lowly as they moved or spun.

Focusing on the job was all Dere had not to fall under a spell like everyone rumored. Not all magic was the kind forced on you by outside energy. Why was he making this so difficult on her? He claimed he brought her to protect her...she wasn't certain what to think about that.

"So who else should we be concerned with?" Keeping on topic was the best thing for her. Getting distracted, particularly after what he'd told her the ploy to keep him in prison involved her death, was very important. Given how foreboding the news was it should have been easy to resist being less than virtuous but her thoughts and feelings wanted nothing more than to betray her best intentions.

Loki was a gentle breeze on the dance floor. Flowing with a natural skill that went beyond years of study – he would have been good at this even if he hadn't been raised to it. He made it easy for her to fall back into the practice, to ride his wind. Perhaps without such a threat to getting him free, she might have let herself go. He was too enthralling for his own good. Made it all too easy to push aside the danger of this gilded coliseum.

She'd nearly let her guard down by the time the dance came to it's conclusion. It was a marvel she realized someone was behind Loki toward the end of the piece of music. There was no immediate or obvious threat from the approaching man, much as she'd first thought he looked completely unassuming. Masin's husband was even smiling and clapping, but Dere didn't trust him regardless, she pushed Loki to the side as he got closer – and none too soon considering his sword sat where Loki's back was a moment ago.

"You worthless..." He was about to turn his attention on her but the point of a dagger slid through the front of his neck, cutting off his insult by altering it into a confused gurgle. For the first moment it was only a trickle of blood that fell down his pale neck, then a small steam of crimson before he fell to his knees. Dere stared in shock at the man, surprised that they would actually attack Loki in the open like this. She glanced back up to find that she'd been surrounded by several Loki's, the images making a circle – it had to be difficult for him with the limiting collar he had on. Probably painful – but he was using that energy to protect her...

Another thud behind her had her spinning around and finally bending down to pick up the sword of the Lord. She wouldn't have a chance against a nobleman – she probably had no where near the amount of skill as some people here but that wasn't the idea. It was chaos in here, people were screaming – most trying to get away as opposed to watch the circle of images. Wincing as she did it she cut her own arm deeply before the call to order would come. Replacing the blade in the Lord's hand now that her blood was on it.

**End Chapter**

Well, hopefully no one saw that coming?

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	11. Chapter 11

Quick AN's: I rewrote this three times and I'm still not happy with it. I hope other people enjoy it.

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter Eleven:** _**Let Me Be A Shield**_

"_The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the people worth suffering for."_

**-Bob Marley**

_**Loki:**_

_I discovered them too late._

_I was moving as quickly as I could, but I'd only heard of the cruel behavior after a day of lessons with my mother. People learned of my inviting Dere to the ball and reacted far more poorly than I ever could have imagined. I went to find her as soon as I learned but the trail lead me to the gardens where we often met only to hear the sickening laughs of the girls as they kicked her over and over. _

_"Only a dirty half-breed like you would want anything to do with a magic-using con artist like Loki. You have to know he'll never be king, he'll never have anything at all beyond an empty title and the funds that go with it. You're probably just a gold digger." The girl was saying, accenting any given sentence with another kick. I caught up after that, pausing her next strike with a harsh enough blow of my own that I heard the bone shatter in her shin. I ignored her screams, or the cries of shock and rage from the ones around her._

_None of them were too keen on stepping up against me after the display of power had laid their ringleader low. I didn't stick around to find out if any would get the bravery to do so. I lifted Dere in my arms and I rushed for the healing rooms._

_The scent of her I remember more clearly than most of the rest. It was gentle, light, with a little perfume – a bit of lavender. Thankfully not the globs of it that many of the other courtier's seemed to bathe in. As if smelling of unnatural musk would somehow make them more attractive to the males around them. I had to admit I liked her muted sense of style and approach – even if it was probably in part her lack of interest in chasing any men._

_Except this time, in this memory, it was tainted with copper – blood from where they'd actually scarred her back and punched her in the face enough to bloody both her lip and nose. Once I'd gotten her to the healing area I learned there was more to the savagery of the girl's that were so quick to judge me worthless. Dere had several broken ribs and other bones, a few bruised organs, enough damage that had I found her much later she probably wouldn't have survived their assault._

_The wickedness didn't surprise me overly much, the courtier's were historically petty much of the time. It was something else all together that jolted me to the core; I cared what happened to Dere. I cared because her condition was in part my fault for being so careless._

_Seeing her injured to the point of unconsciousness left a pit of rage in my stomach. I couldn't let those beasts get away with this...I nearly rushed out to finish them then and there but fingers reached out to grasp mine and walking away wasn't an option anymore._

_ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo_

"Are you certain you are all right?" Thor repeated for the half-dozenth time earning an eyeroll from Loki – who was standing nearby with his arms crossed over his chest. The trio of them; himself, Dere, and Thor were all waiting for audience outside one of the chamber's for Odin. He wanted to be the one asking her if she was all right – well to ask at least once. Thor had already taken that mantle. Just one more moment stolen by the oaf.

"The healer's did well, there is barely a scratch. I am fine, thank you, your highness." Dere played through the same words she had every other time as well. It was like the whole scene was on some strange replay while they waited. Loki was less than pleased that things had happened in this manner. He hadn't actually expected them to make an attempt on Dere's life – more or less his. People did actually hate him as much as he expected – that he was the monster they had all grown up despising.

"You shouldn't fret so much brother." Thor stated, not the most welcome break in the monotony. "You did what was right. Father should see that. You could hardly let them harm Lady Aislinn any further and he attacked you as well – in open court. Such a lack of honor doesn't deserve mercy."

"Let's hope father agrees with you." Loki drawled, still annoyed at the whole situation. He didn't like miscalculating – and it was getting more common in recent years. More than likely it was the influence Thanos had put on his mind -or Odins. The push of the red skinned alien had caused him to make mistakes on earth that wouldn't have come up had he not been forced to rush the attack. He could have dismantled the avenger's eventually, gotten them to just kill each other. Then, it wasn't easy to plan much of anything if people were altering your thoughts.

_"Then if you'd taken the mind of Thor you likely would have done better as well." _His psyche was out to annoy him further today. The voice in the back of his head that reminded him that he could have stolen Thor's heart with the scepter and had decided against it. He had flung himself from the human tower instead of continuing to fight his brother. Having rewritten out the events recently for Dere he recognized his own weaknesses – the limiting factors that he put on himself in the battle for earth.

He recalled his history with Dere further when she cut herself – the smell of her blood – the red on her flesh where it marred her. It had forced him to recall when she'd been attacked in their past because he'd invited her to a similar event. Thus far, nothing he'd remembered really was worthy of taking his memories away. He'd certainly cared about the elf when he was younger to some level but it wasn't why his memories had been altered. His mother claimed it was done because he'd learned what he was...but so far none of his memories had involved that.

He glanced to her shoulder, there was a pale thin line – the only scar that remained after they'd seen the healers. He appeared to be the only one that recognized that she'd cut herself. Loki realized that she did it to help him. While he knew people would do a lot for those they admired this was more than that. It finally made sense, the reason she'd do all of this – go out of her way to help him despite every risk to herself. She loved him.

He should be delighted, she would be all the easier to manipulate. However, the situation was blending into his other memories and he was confused as to how to feel about it. There was a bit of guilt that was stronger than he was accustomed to – that he couldn't push aside as easily as he normally would.

His thoughts were interrupted as the door finally opened, and they were lead into the long throne room. Pillars reached skyward toward a ceiling far above-where painted warriors of past battles loomed over them as they made an approach. The last time Loki had taken this walk it had been in chains. He ignored the artistic beauty of the surroundings, already very familiar with him having grown up here as a boy. Instead he focused on the grim serious expression of Odin as the trio of them walked toward his chair – he looked so old these days.

The once glory of the all-father had faded as much as the gray hair around his face. Even that, which once gave him an image of a wise king, was now thin and sick with age. He clung to life by a thread and it was becoming more obvious every time Loki saw him. With Thor unwilling to take the throne and he cast out from the family the old man was likely to pass on within the next decade. The thought nearly brought a smile to his face, but he managed to keep his face clear when Thor started speaking – a reminder of why they were here.

"Father, I have come to speak on Loki's behalf, I saw some of what occurred – he was only trying to protect..." Thor was animated – his brother actually did still consider him family didn't he?

"Silence." The all-father could still shout and interrupt well enough. "He killed a nobleman, a councilman, in the middle of a gathering! He could have started a war with Vanaheim."

"He was protecting the Lady Aislinn." Thor retorted. Loki held a bewildered amusement for the scene of the two arguing over him, glancing between them – he wasn't going to jump in yet. Dere appeared to be following his lead – or lack of one.

"Yes, I heard she was injured..." Odin's voice calmed slightly, his eye moving to the elf. "Did the nobleman attack you?"

"No all-father, he attempted to put his sword into Loki's back," Dere answered professionally, honestly. "After I managed to push Loki out of the attack I was injured. I believe there is a conspiracy looking to kill Loki before he can face a fair trial."

"I see." Odin watched her a moment before turning his attention to Loki and his son. "Did you see this Thor?"

"I saw him walking toward Loki, he was drawing a knife, I wouldn't have been able to get there in time. I didn't see the exact attack but I cannot blame Loki for those he injured – or for the death of the Lord since he still could have been a threat to the Lady Aislinn." Thor replied.

"It seems you've convinced Thor to speak on your behalf." Odin observed, looking at Loki. "What do you have to say about these events?"

"Little to add, it is as Thor describes. I merely reacted after I saw the Lady Aislinn get injured – I didn't know who else might be nearby so I shielded her with illusions and fought off others in the crowd that attacked me." Loki answered, bored with Odin's voice already.

"Well then, it appears you should be commended for your bravery Lady Aislinn. Shoving someone to safety is not something any bookkeeper would do." Odin remarked, his tone growing less grim. "I will have others questioned, but for now continue as you were. I am looking forward to seeing your presentation, two weeks isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. Thank you your highness." Lady Aislinn replied with an immediate bow and didn't hesitate to head away after the dismissal. Glad to hear Loki's light steps following after her, and glancing back a short moment to see Thor remaining with Odin. Did he suspect her ruse? He was one of the only ones watching them instead of trying to get away. She had to hope otherwise – he was one of the witnesses she planned to use on Loki's behalf. Who better than his own brother to make her points?

She was fretting over it so much she didn't realize as they'd left her hands were shivering, all of her focus was too keep her mind off the fact that Loki had nearly died. That there had been an incredible threat to her own life. Her vision was slightly blurry, her head felt as if it were spinning – dizziness causing multicolored dots to dance before her eyes. The excitement had finally run through the last of the adrenaline keeping her going – now that the trial would continue and her heart had stopped racing quite as hard her body began to crash. Her knees buckled and the sensation of falling blended into the overall vertigo. She half expected to feel her crash to the marble floors but her consciousness left her even before then.

Loki caught her, and it was only thanks to his fast reflexes that he did. At least she was light, elves always at least came off as frail, he knew his father and Thor must be watching given the surprised call of the oaf.

"She'll be fine, I have her." Loki retorted swiftly before Thor could take her. His fingers gripped around her shoulder and knee where he held her. Ignoring Odin all together, the all-father was probably laughing at him, Loki slipped from the throne room. He'd seen people faint during or after battles before. Aislinn wasn't the type he would expect it from but her day had been far from that of an average bookkeeper. It was sort of nice to see her walls down. She looked much more peaceful when she was unconscious.

He had to admit she matured a lot in the years he remembered and now. There were sharper lines to her face, a slightly larger chest, more shapely legs. He'd watched her sleep then as well...he remembered how surprised he'd been that she would trust him enough to do that. He'd promised himself then that he wouldn't treat her like the rest, that he would try to have an actual friend. Of course, like most of his pledges, it hadn't panned out. Loki had grown up since then, the world didn't allow such sentiments to work out.

_"Hollow..."_

He laughed as he thought the word, for all his protests he was still carrying her to his room to set her down – instead of her quarters he was taking her somewhere he could protect her. Was it really only because she was his representative?

**End Chapter**

Aw, Loki can be sweet I think. He just reacted with Jane when he saved her from the anti-matter grenade in TDW – or he planned it but since he almost got sucked in I'm gonna guess not.

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	12. Chapter 12

Quick AN's: My muse is cruel to me.

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter Twelve:** _**Sweet Nostalgia**_

"_The Greek word for "return" is nostos. Algos means "suffering." So nostalgia is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return."_

**-Milan Kundera**_, __**Ignorance**_

_**Dere:**_

_I'd gotten to see the best parts of the season. The light frost of sparkling beauty that was at the surface of winter – the floating snow drifting on the wind akin to petals in the spring. Deeper than that and the arctic circle of the seasons became dangerous. It could numb the skin, freeze the blood, even chill the soul if one delved too far. It was a deadly splendor, as complex and elegant as a poisonous thorn that protected it's blooms._

_I had met Loki in winter, I never knew why he had such a kinship with it until I saw his true form. A jotun form that had been tucked beneath the surface of the Asgardian body Odin had given him. Perhaps that's why he grew up with such skill in illusions – he'd been forced to wear one since before he was even able to crawl. What wonder was it that he came to be a trickster?_

_It was another night where we'd agreed to meet, I would have been delighted to see Loki seated at our usual bench but instead when I arrived I realized he wasn't alone. His brother was there as well – the tall blonde so large that he would be difficult to miss. I slowed my approach but I was already out in the clearing so I knew they would be able to see me. It was several more steps before I could hear them and they didn't seem to have noticed me._

_"I already told you that it is nothing as dull as that." Loki remarked, I could tell he wasn't happy – his tongue dripped poison when he was displeased and certainly his tone toward his brother was venomous. It made me pause in my approach, the ambiance around them was charged._

_"Well, it appears she's arrived, then have her show off some of this 'magic' you are teaching her." Thor remarked, his attitude screamed how much he didn't believe that she was here for lessons. The snow was starting to come down even more so I had to take high steps to get through the snow across the field over to them._

_"Dere, you really come out here no matter the weather." Loki was slightly surprised she'd come and that earned him a small smile before she frowned over at Thor. "Brother, do leave us so we can continue our work. She cannot give an example to you yet – she still had much to master before she can cast the sort of illusions I command."_

_"Yes, your work." Thor laughed and it was clear what he thought we were actually doing now that I thought about what was said. Even from the several feet between where we stood and Thor did I could smell the ale on him clearly._

_"Do not question my honor because you cannot hold your liquor!" I snapped, angry at the nerve of the boy. How dare he._

_"Oh, she's a fiery one, no wonder you like her Loki." Thor continued to laugh. "Speaking to the prince like that, but if you don't wish your honor questioned then perhaps you shouldn't lurk with Loki in the bushes."_

_"Brother, you..."_

_Loki had begun to step toward Thor but I was faster. The slap hurt my hand but I did knock the smug smile off of Thor's face – I used to be far too controlled by my emotions. Before I could really think about what I'd been goaded into saying I'd already jumped in. "You wanna see magic to prove I'm virtuous? Fine, I'll show you some."_

ooooo - - - ooooo - - - ooooo - - - ooooo - - - ooooo - - - ooooo - - - ooooo

The scent she remembered from all the times he'd put his cloak over her shoulders, the slight aroma of Loki was around her as she slept. It was as if she was still enveloped by the warm velvet fabric. Dere pulled the blanket tighter, before she realized it was too warm to be just a blanket – eyes fluttering a little before they widened and she let go of the front of Loki's shirt – trying to back up before realizing she was laying in a bed next to him. Mortified wasn't a strong enough word.

"W...w..." She couldn't quite manage even one word, and it didn't help her mood that he began laughing at her clear discomfort. It wasn't the bitter sort of laugh he often offered people around him, but a deep honest delight that made her hesitate to say something to him. He showed so little real merriment beneath that shield of stunts that she couldn't quite chide him for it. There was something all the more charming about him when he was being genuine.

Now that she had a moment to think about it she recalled what happened, the events at the ball and then the short talk with Odin that followed. Dere had to kick herself for letting herself go to such weakness – Loki must have brought her here after she fainted. His bed was comfortable, far softer than the one she had in her small apartment. The warmth of it between their shared body heat would have pulled her back into unconsciousness if she hadn't woken to such a surprise.

"Calm down." Loki remarked after having finally stopped his laughter. "You clearly aren't getting enough rest Dere."

"I will take my leave so I can do so then." Dere said, glancing at the way she couldn't immediately escape the bed without crawling over Loki. It took a moment before she decided she could just crawl down off the end but by then he'd put an arm around her. This time she was slightly more prepared and while her voice wavered she at least managed to get words out. "Loki, now isn't the time for jokes."

"Why do you always assume I'm joking?" Loki asked, leaning closer now that he'd slipped his arm around her waste. "You're beautiful Dere, do you not give yourself credit for your own strengths?"

"It isn't that I don't realize many consider me pretty, I think my appearance is fine." She replied bluntly. "I know you well enough to know that you don't come onto women unless you want to get something out of it. You don't need to do that with me. If you want something from me Loki, just ask."

Loki stared back at her and Dere was suffocating the part of her screaming protests at dismissing his attention. Then his hand moved higher along her side, slowly coming up toward her chest while he leaned closer to her face again. Moving past her lips as he'd done in the past, though it still jump-started her heart.

"What if this is what I want right now?" The whispered question was possibly the most erotic thing she'd ever heard – which some might consider pathetic but she didn't have time to think about that now. Given her tongue was likely to betray her – if she could get it to function at all – she just shook her head negatively as the red flushed her face and neck.

"We can't." She finally managed when he did go for the kiss. Part of her was sobbing, and she wasn't sure the moisture wasn't reflected in her eyes. "I...we...the trial. People already have the wrong idea...if we became intimate it could call my position as your defender into question."

"Then we don't tell anyone." Loki commented with a smirk, deflecting to kiss her neck just below her ear instead. He had to admit he liked the squeak she let out at the touch of his lips. His hand was about to curl around her breast but she grabbed his hand and pulled back again – it seemed her dedication did reach beyond a simply physical attraction.

"No, look...I don't know if you're serious." Dere began.

_"I will hold out hope that you are."_

"But, this is something that you will have to wait on if you really do want it." She finished. Part of her feeling justified – she couldn't let her own desires be any threat to Loki. The other part of her felt wretched, as if she'd given up what could possible be one of her only chances to be so intimate with a man she'd worshiped since she was a child. It would have been a betrayal of her allegiance to give into her own lust so she was relieved when he rolled to his back, propping his arms under his head.

"If you insist, you should still get some sleep – it's quite late, or early I suppose depending on how you want to look at." Loki remarked as if he hadn't just been about to seduce her a few seconds before. "If you get up before me, attempt not to make a racket."

"What? How could I sleep..." Dere paused, correcting herself from saying 'after that' to, "...here? Besides, elves trance they don't sleep. I have an apartment of my own."

"Which is likely not safe given the attack earlier." Loki didn't even open his eyes, in fact he looked rather pleased with himself which made her wonder if she'd just been played in some way. "You'll be remaining by my side until the trial is complete so you aren't harmed. And call it what you will, but get some rest."

Dere's brow furrowed at the resting trickster next to her, her body's insides still doing somersault's after his vigorous approach shortly after she'd woke. She was far from tired after nearly giving in and eating the fruit he'd offered. The temptation was still burning on her neck and side where he'd touched her, the impression of his presence seared into her skin. He wouldn't let her escape now however, he might be relaxed but his words had not been the sort she could argue with. Apparently she was living with the prince until he trial had passed.

Closing her eyes she wondered if Heimdall was somewhere having one of the best laughs he'd had in centuries at her expense. Certainly she felt as if she was some cosmic punchline at a time like this – if it wasn't so sad she might have laughed at herself. Thankfully, she was more tired than she realized and it didn't take too long to fall into trance. There was the mercy that she didn't dream as other races so her subconscious couldn't torment her as it likely would have otherwise.

**End Chapter**

Bleh? Not overly happy with this chapter either.

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	13. Chapter 13

Quick AN's: More another observation: Loki needs his own movie already...

**Story:** _**Loyalty**_

**Chapter Thirteen:** _**Paradox**_

"_The fate of your heart is your choice and no one else gets a vote."_

**-Sarah Dessen,** _**This Lullaby**_

**_Loki:_**

_It was storming heavily now, with the solstice nearly on top of us the storms were very thick this time of year but it was still more than what seemed normal. I could barely see more than a few feet but she'd already made the remark – and she'd slapped Thor. While the later was amusing it meant that she wouldn't escape his older brother that easily._

_Then she called up a minor cantrip, something to keep someone warm in the chill, putting it on Thor. I was relieved she'd picked something so simple, but that deep rolling laughter with a side of the smell of alcohol was all that came after._

_"That's hardly anything, you cannot have been meeting every night and only learned that." Thor mocked. "Show me a real spell, something showy or worthwhile. My brother is the second most gifted sorcerer in all of Asgard after our mother – can't you create actual effects?"_

_"Dere, you don't have to do that, it's not safe." I remarked, generally he was all for making Thor look the fool for his words but this was different. "Let the oaf think what he will."_

_"A fool? I'm not the one..." Thor's words died on his lips, I could feel the sudden rise of magical power and I wanted to stop her but it was too late. She was trying to summon an effect with the snow – but it went awry._

_The snow stopped. I mean that literally, it froze (no pun intended) in the air where it had been falling a moment before. Hanging there as if time had ceased but only in the nearest area. I blinked in shock at the change – particularly as I could still see the raging gales at the edges of our pasture. As if trying to enter a long cylindrical tube that reached up into the heavens. I pushed some snow to the side, and it began to fall, all at once like a roof that had the snow knocked free it all came down to the ground and for a moment I thought the blizzard had begun in earnest._

_I bit my lip and raised an arm to ward off the waves of snow, as harsh as any sandstorm in the sudden gales. It wasn't coming from above, snow was being pushed away from Dere where she wasn't able to turn off her power. It was flowing around us like a pipe that had burst. I had to force myself closer to her, the cold so harsh that even I was beginning to feel a discomfort – akin to a burning along my exposed skin._

_When I finally made it closer I was reaching blindly toward where the girl was covered in the icy substance she'd wanted to control. This close to the source of energy it was a complete white out, I hadn't realized the power had destroyed even the fabric that had been covering her until now. When I managed to reach through the wall my hand leveled on her back. I was able to pull down the pressure in the air and bring her spell under control but when the air cleared my hands were pressed against her back, where blue marks had covered her in the frostburn of a Jotun's touch. More was spider webbing out along her skin but I dropped my hands, staring in shock at the brilliant azure they had become._

_What? What just happened?_

_"Thor! Loki!" Odin's voice called out, but it was too late, I'd seen the truth of myself._

_"You, your skin Loki..." Thor was saying, he hadn't even looked where Dere had fallen and I had to gesture at her – her own plight of being left naked in this cold prompted me to words where I would have otherwise had none. The need to protect her despite my own unwelcome revelation. "Pick her up you oaf!"_

_ I wished I could have done so myself but I'd already seen what my touch had done and I couldn't trust myself with her despite my completion beginning to pale again. What was I? What had that magical pressure unleashed? Thor lifted Dere and she was barely conscious her eyes were melded shut with the frost. Reaching out to grab my cloak though I shrunk back from her touch. She murmured an apology and I had to laugh bitterly at the absurdity of her remark._

_ "Thor, get her to the healers now!" Odin had finished walking up to us and pointed toward the palace to accent his command to the elder son. "We will speak later."_

_ I let them go, what help could I have been? I was part, no, a fair amount of the reason for the trouble..._

_ "What were you thinking trying to teach a girl magic?" Odin's voice took the fatherly disappointed tone I'd gotten accustomed to in recent years. "She could die."_

_ "I know..." My usual witty retorts had turned to ash in my mouth. I couldn't manage to protest any sort of innocence. "What...what's wrong with me? Am I cursed?"_

_ "No." His voice had gone lighter then, I heard the guilt come into it. What had father done?_

_ "What am I?" My voice was suddenly as chilled as the season._

_ "You are my son." Odin remarked, it felt like we'd played through this scene before._

_ "What more than that?" I snapped, suddenly all too aware he was purposefully avoiding the truth. "The casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotenhiem that day was it?"_

_ "No." Odin repeated, quieter than a moment before. "I found a baby. Small, for a giant's offspring, abandoned, suffering, left to die."_

_ "Why?" I was confused, and suddenly felt as abandoned and in pain as he described the child he'd found._

_ "You were an innocent child." Odin replied. I felt my eyes tighten with emotion and I shook my head, that...didn't make sense. "I took you in."_

_ "But...You...why didn't you tell me?" I knew there had to be more to this... "Why lie?"_

_ "I wanted only to protect you from the truth...as I will continue to do." Odin replied, his voice turned from regretful to resolved, before I could protest the burning began in my mind. I could only offer a hateful expression, or perhaps it only came off as pained, before the sear cleared my memory of the monster beneath the illusion._

_ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo_

Loki came to, breathing heavily as he tried to relax after what he'd seen. Glancing at his hands to make certain they hadn't gone the blue color he'd seen before his eyes shifted to the woman sharing his bed. Her own pose was almost like a body put on display. Elves rested more in a state of very deep meditation – which was why they called it trance as opposed to sleep. She had her arms at her sides and her head propped on the pillow without moving at all, her breathing steady as her chest rose and fell.

He glanced lower on her body, she was still in the dress that showed off her back and the piercing that she had along it. The ribbons covered much of her skin there as he could recall now. That or her hair had so he didn't know if there were scars from where his Jotun form had burned her. It wasn't as if he would have had a choice, the only way he would have been able to channel the power going haywire inside of her was by touch. Still, his solution would have been temporary...once a spell went to that level of meltdown there was almost never a way to fully recover from it unless your magic was fully drained away by the healers.

It was a form of protection against magic gone awry that he'd developed himself. His memories were a little fuzzy since those years were a bit dull but he was certain that she must have been what pushed him to create a way to save people whose magic began to boil over.

It had to be why he never saw her use magic anymore...she must have had her abilities taken from her after that. He grit his teeth – all over a stupid argument with his worthless brother. She shouldn't have just pushed forward like that – but they were all young and mistakes were going to happen. He shouldn't have been trying to teach a novice when he was by no means a master back at that time. If he hadn't been trying to teach her himself as a pet project then she likely wouldn't have had the gall to try it without him.

A scowl came to his face as he glanced to the woman, was he guilty about what he'd done to her? He pushed the thought to the side for now – he could deal with that nonsense when the need arose. Instead he wanted to know if she still retained her scars after this many centuries. Volstagg still had slightly discolored skin on his arm under all that fur – but he'd been marked by a giant much more recently.

Loki smiled as she eventually turned on her side at his prompting with a murmured complaint he couldn't make out, gently sweeping her hair to the side to look at the piercing. It was different, certainly not the sort of thing most Asgardian's would go for. Expressions of beauty between the elves were more common in tattoo's but this made him smile nonetheless – the ribbon she wore through the pieces of metal matched his own green attire. He hadn't seen the style much, once or twice though his centuries.

Her back was unblemished however, a shade darker than his own pale skin tone – but still more fair than even many Asgardian's were. She was attractive, exotic for the women he was accustomed to yet that was far from disagreeable. He had to admit that she was beautiful, beyond the harsh personality he'd come to enjoy her body was attractive. He sighed and leaned on his back again, his mind busy with all manner of treacherous thoughts. Where came the line between using her and actually wanting her – or was there one? Loki continued to frown as he failed to get any rest, this was all still too disjointed. There was too much in his history he still couldn't remember – but now he wasn't sure he wished to.

Certainly she'd brought it on herself, she was the one that tried to cast a complex spell and failed, lost her magic as a result. But he knew he held some portion of blame. He also could relate – doing something when you're young that you probably shouldn't have. Something that came to define you and that you'll always be punished for. His interruption of Thor's coronation was still something he didn't regret. The realm would have suffered with no doubt, but then...everything that came after – just how long had he been influenced by Thanos and how much of the envy was his own?

His mind was a jumble of uncertainty's and half-truths. The woman next to him was as likely a pawn as he was to ever get but he wasn't even sure what he could use a bookkeeper for after his trial was complete. Certainly she had her work cut out for her – trying to decipher the truth from his own veiled past when he wasn't always certain himself. Her dedication was almost endearing, but in the end she was a convenient and willing pawn on a board of more important pieces. Once he was free, their business would be complete – particularly if all went well and his title was re-instated.

Eventually the darkness took him but the dreams that followed were far less pleasant memories of a time beyond the void of space – Thanos had covered up some of his own torments and the potions Loki took to regain his memories had ceased to choose only kind ones to bring to the surface.

He was still twitching slightly, moaning in distress, when it was Dere's turn to come to. She blinked in temporary disorientation as to where it was she was laying down before remembering it was in Loki's bed. She hadn't recalled turning on her side but rubbed her arm as she sat up, hoping she might be able to escape. Then she heard Loki next to her.

"No..." The murmur was whisper-light but terrified. "Stop...cease this...no. I will not..."

Whatever he wouldn't do she couldn't be sure, Dere's heart ached in her chest at the image of him writhing in pain. Even if it was psychological – didn't that make it somehow worse? He was still twitching, his body making jerking motions or his head twisting side to side while he wrung the blanket between white knuckle fingers. She'd never seen him so vulnerable – even the last time she'd seen him having a nightmare it was not this serious. It was embarrassing but only strengthened her resolve to help him.

Despite having been 'bitten' previously she had reached out before thinking about what she was doing. There were strands of hair, wet with sweat, stuck to his face and she'd leaned forward to brush them to the side. Exactly as the time before this his hand snapped up to grip her wrist, but he came to faster and didn't immediately twist it to the side as he had the previous time. As he blinked at her it was clear he still wasn't completely present. His eyes, dilated with terror, were looking at her but she wasn't certain he could see her. His breath was ragged, but after a moment he seemed to catch himself and closed his eyes, leaning back while trying to even out his moment of panic.

"I'm so..."

She didn't get a chance to finish her apology, he pulled her from where he was still holding her hand and pressed her into a hug. Burying his face into her hair – though it took her several long seconds before she managed to relax her muscles.

Dere cursed a little in the tangled thoughts speeding through her mind. Everytime she thought she'd managed to resolve herself to remain unemotional he did something like this. Did he have the slightest idea how hard this was for her? Was it a never ending test of her resolve? Still, after the way he'd been so much not himself when he woke she didn't have the will to pull away. She wanted to do anything she could to help him, and while she knew they didn't need more rumors spreading about their relationship she felt he just needed to be held and to hold someone.

"Loki, you're okay...you're safe here..." Dere stopped herself from adding 'with me' the way she wanted to.

"I'm not...but I appreciate the attempt at sentiment." He gripped her a little tighter, his voice still charged with mixed emotions. "I imagine you were right, that some things are best left unremembered."

"What did you recall?" Her conscience came crashing down. It was nearly suffocating, the idea that he wouldn't be so quick to hold onto her once he remembered their entire past. He'd gripped her tighter at the comment – seeming to fear her pulling away so she added. "I'm here, I'm not leaving."

_"Not until you ask me too..." _What good were her best intentions when it only left the only person she'd ever wanted to support lay broken in her arms? She had to fix this, to her very core she felt all the more need to mend the rifts that had stolen the benevolent boy she met.

"It involved my time beyond the void, you have a general explanation of things that happened to me there. Apparently it took Thanos more time than I realized to break into my mind...and make even minor changes..." Loki supposed if it hadn't hurt so much he might be impressed with his own mental fortitude. Resisting for years despite Thanos' power as well as the scepter of the Tesseract.

Dere did her best not to sigh in relief that he hadn't yet came to recall her own betrayal – given how slowly he was opening locked pathways in his brain she assumed she would have time to get through the trial before her own guilt was brought to the forefront.

Eventually he released her, flustered by his own show of weakness in grabbing her in the first place...sitting up so he need not face her. "We have more work we will need to get done before the trial commences. I will have your things brought here so you can continue to work – you still aren't leaving my presence until the time of the trial arrives."

Guilty and elated all in one comment, her relationship with the prince was a paradox even to herself...

**End Chapter**

Aw, poor Loki. Thanos is a jerk. Given that I've seen the general idea of Thanos abusing Loki into his actions in Avenger's before this I know it's not a new concept really. I sure hope it gets put into the later movies though! I'd like to see Loki fight against Thanos come Avengers 3. Then all this stuff would still be very 'canon' XD

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	14. Chapter 14

Quick AN's: You can play as Loki in Marvel Heroes I've discovered – it is a lot of fun XD

**Story:** _Loyalty_

**Chapter Fourteen:** _**Losing Control**_

"_I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out."_

_**-Roy Croft**_

_**Dere:**_

_ "Loki!" It was the first thing I called out when I came back to consciousness after the event – I felt numb and dizzy, my arms flailing a moment as someone held me so I wouldn't wobble off the healing table._

_ "He's fine, now sit still!" The female voice held enough command that I calmed myself to listen – noticing there were several healers around the soul forge looking over my bodies unusual readings. "You're lucky to even be alive – if he hadn't drained some of the magic from you then you would be. What were you thinking trying to cast a spell like that?"_

_ I glanced away from the healer, even without her chiding I felt guilty enough. I'd put all of us at risk just because I didn't want to hear Thor insulting Loki. Because I thought that maybe I could shut him up so he wouldn't question us anymore – as if it were my place to try and give some sort of legitimacy to my relationship with Loki. I should have known better._

_ It was a childish mistake that I knew I was paying for, that I would continue to pay for my whole life. My entire body felt slightly numb and yet stung – particularly my back. I'd never had frostbite before – but I came to learn that the cold was no more forgiving than a fire when it came to flesh. They had to regrow most of my skin...a less than pleasant experience I can assure you. I didn't expect to receive a royal visitor only a few minutes after that procedure._

_ I wanted to get up and bow when Odin entered but I could only incline my head – which was still painful on my new flesh. He gestured me immediately still and I couldn't help it, I burst out into comments before really thinking about it._

_ "It's not Loki's fault, or Thor's. I'm sorry...I was being goaded by Thor cause he was drinking – and he really smelled. But I mean, um..." I was rambling but I couldn't really stop now. "I cast a spell cause he said that if I couldn't then he thought that I wasn't being honorable – and it messed up. I messed up – please don't blame them. Are they really okay?"_

_ "What do you remember?" Odin asked, I couldn't tell then but he was searching for a very specific answer. I hadn't yet witnessed Loki's true form however, I was frozen by my own power almost the moment it happened and then I was unconscious. After I told my tale Odin agreed not to punish anyone any further – since I was clearly already suffering. Then he left me there, to the changes in shifts between the healers. I couldn't leave the area – I had to be under constant watch in case the magic began to spike again._

_ I almost burst out into tears when I felt fingers touch my hand. My eyes blurred when I realized Loki had come to see me._

_ "Please, Loki, I'm so sorry...I shouldn't have done that...it was stupid and you could have gotten hurt, and I'm an idiot." I burst into tears as I made the apology, half expecting him to leave me then and there. That he'd just come to tell me goodbye given what a young moron I was. I could have killed all of us after all. Instead, he did the thing I least expected._

_ His arms enveloped me, the scent of him I'd gotten so accustomed to from his cloak helping to calm my frazzled nerves. I bit out a half-laugh when he agreed with me. "You are correct. You are an idiot."_

_ooooo – ooooo- ooooo – ooooo – ooooo_

Dere let out a sigh of relief as she sat at her desk, glad to have a moment alone after two weeks of being forced to remain in Loki's company. Also appreciative that it hadn't been overturned by some thug after the events at the ball.

Loki wasn't poor conversation but she only had the moments where she took to the bath to be alone and it was becoming increasingly more difficult to ignore when he would advance on her. In the past weeks of preparation she had been given a fair amount of peace from her paramour of deceit given it was his trial she worked on. But there were also times he grew bored of his reading and would torment her with comments or small motions of affection. If he remembered more he hadn't explained it beyond having recalled that Odin had stolen his memory when they were children after her powers had gone awry.

He continued to have nightmares.

He'd asked her if she lost her magic and she confirmed that her abilities were sealed as a method of protection. She was certain he must know more than he let on but she was wary to go asking questions given his reply would probably be to have her explain what had occurred even before the trial. It had been a never-ending game of cat and mouse - but today the trial would begin.

She was in her office before it started – it was common for her to spend such time alone doing any final preparations and practicing her opening statements. She'd convinced Thor to stand as her escort throughout the events as Loki had been loathe to let her out of his sight at all. He had grown more paranoid as to the plot he predicted around him by the day. The past few days he hadn't let her leave his room even with him for fear someone would make a move. Now however the day had finally arrived. The trial would begin soon – and go for several days from what she could predict.

She was more than certain she'd put a good enough case together to get him leniency on an eternal sentence, and possibly even a reinstatement of his position. She wouldn't hold her breath on that however. It was very clear both king and country held little love for Loki. Thor being willing to stand on his behalf after the long explanations she'd already given the older of the brothers was going to help more than Loki knew or would like but he could suck up that part of his defense.

Her nerves were shot, but she was almost ready, and despite what happened she'd done what she could to pay back the horrible treachery she'd inflicted on him centuries before. She closed her eyes, going over her case notes or her planned opening wouldn't do her anymore good than it already had – if she didn't know it after the way she'd poured over it the past month then she'd never remember. Taking a moment to try and relax however? That felt like the wisest thing in the world since she was about to go stand out in front of almost the entirety of Asgard as well as many other allied nations and defend a creature they wanted to have kept in chains.

She didn't care what the rest of them thought of her, it wasn't their opinions she had to live with when she attempted to calm her mind for rest every night. She had to do this for her own conscience to have any chance of ever being clear again. She wasn't calm when the knock came on the door that meant she would be escorted to the throne room but she was determined. Dere offered a small smile in return to the reassurance one Thor was attempting to give her and started to lead her toward the event with a small group of guards he'd picked himself. It was a reminder that there was good reason Loki had hidden her away the past weeks.

When she entered the main throne room she realized there was a throng of citizens of Asgard there and waiting to see the proceedings. Many began to boo and hiss at her – sentiments she only heard redouble in effort when Loki was brought out shortly after herself. He offered them a smile where she retained a neutral expression. It was a hint of what her life would be life on Asgard should she fail to convince Odin to alter Loki's charge. Silence didn't come until the all-father hit the butt of his staff on the ground, the sound reverberating even into outer balconies where people likely only had others to pass on what was happening around the corner.

It had to do with what would come of the entire royal family – no wonder so many people were in attendance.

"We have gathered in open court at the request of our citizens to see a trial as well as a list of crimes to be brought before us involving Loki Laufeyson." Odin spoke first, his choice of last name a clear indication that he did not seem to be willing to forgive Loki at all. Dere felt a small bit of anger but pushed it away – she couldn't afford to be emotional now. There was too much at stake. "Lady Aislinn of Alfheim has volunteered to speak in Loki's defense and will begin now. Please give us your opening remarks."

She nodded, but the pressure made a small lump rise in her throat. She'd never been present with this many people in a crowd so speaking in front of them was not going to be as easy as she hoped. A whisper in her ear pressed her forward. "Come then elf, do your job."

Unsure if Loki was invisible near her or just crafting a spell to make the message she still pressed forward – she could hardly stop here. "Right..."

Her voice was louder than expected, a spell in place to make her voice heard to many – as Odin's would be...and all the guests. She shook her head to recover from the slight surprise – snickering was already happening in the crowd.

"I've come here of my own violation to defend our Prince, Loki Odinson." She opened with the defiant statement and many people snickering were silenced. "I have come to learn in my research of his life that there are many ways in which he has never been treated equally. That, in fact, his adopted parents own attempts to protect him are what inevitably lead to his fall from grace. Loki has not always been perfect, as none of us are, and while he has a history of mischief it was the miscalculations and mistreatment of his youth that brought him to his present situation. My goal is to see him gain a punishment that fits the crime, as opposed to having a different set of rules than his brother possessed. I feel that by the time this trial is over that those listening will begin to understand and see how he's been abused for many years. That is all, thank you."

No applauds, she would get no cheers or adoration for defending what the common folk considered a villain. Doing the right thing was rarely a path the masses could actually understand or appreciate. The only reason they weren't jeering at her or throwing things is because they knew Odin would never allow it at such a serious affair.

"Then we will hear the offense's opening remarks." Odin answered after allowing the silence to settle for a while. He wanted to dishearten her – but it was having the opposite effect. The more everyone else seemed intent to hate Loki the more her soul fixed itself in her purpose. He gestured at the other half of the room, where a second set of chairs had been set up for the offense in this case. It was an older man, a dark elf that long stood as one of Odin's personal advisor's after having been allowed mercy despite the death of many dark elves ages before. Algrim, she'd met him several times in her work in the libraries and actually respected him but today wasn't the time for such thoughts. He was currently her enemy and she knew he wouldn't give her a moment to breath if he was as good as she believed.

"The state has little reason to give such silly remarks any view but the all-father has decided to be gracious in his reply to a few scant requests for a trial. His mercy truly knows no bounds as we will prove the many attempts by which Loki meant to steal the throne. Then after that prove that Loki has not only attempted to kill the all-father but repeatedly committed treason against Asgard and it's peoples. That is all we need say at this time." The dark elf spoke with a refined distaste that only served to rile the crowd already stacked against Loki. Many called out names and labels, none of which were kind, screaming for a while before Odin brought the room to order with another slam of his staff.

"You will present evidence for the defense of Loki." Odin chose not to add a last name this time, apparently now considering keeping somewhat of a neutral stance. Dere was a little terrified but she cleared her throat and continued.

While she spoke Loki scanned the crowd, considering possible threats, he'd read and heard the defense prior to this and she knew what she was doing. If Odin ever planned for a fair and honest trial to be an option then he would accept her efforts. Loki was more concerned someone would try to harm her while he was far from her. Thor was capable with his hammer but far from perfect – more than a few of them had been injured on the trip to Jotunheim before his exile after all.

The people were having mixed reactions – for some of them this was probably the first time they'd ever heard a lot of what had gone on in the palace. Others seemed ready to hate him no matter what came from Dere, and many continued to call out names and other threats or insults. If it got too loud Odin would interfere but overall he allowed much of the abuse to continue. Frigga wasn't far off, she was looking at them, a bit of pity in her own eyes. How little had she even known of the history of discussions between himself and his father?

In the end, he was only vaguely interested in the current part of the trial, he was more concerned with keeping Dere safe to finish it. She was only starting to touch on a few of her plans. He closed his eyes a moment after Algrim (the dark elf) began to dissect her words – though not easily which was a good sign. Algrim had worked in the palace since before the birth of Thor – so despite being millenia her elder she was holding her ground as they went back and forth on small details and things that most of the crowd should find incredibly dull. It was clear many didn't understand some of the quotes to ancient laws and practices – most average citizens probably wouldn't come back after today's proceeding's and instead wait for just the sentence. Some of the obscure laws they quoted he was only familiar with because Dere had discussed it with him in such detail the past two weeks. They were still going over testimonies, there wouldn't be witnesses as to his behavior called today – this was just getting things started.

He somewhat wished he didn't have to attend like all the rest – even though he understood what was happening he wasn't anymore interested than they were to listen to the discussion. He was fairly certain Odin had begun to drift a few times – maybe he'd learned to sleep with his eye open through this sort of meeting. Eventually his eyes drifted over Dere and he found himself admiring her tenacity in the conversation. She'd normally defer to her superiors, but now she wasn't backing down in anything – she was right there and not giving Algrim any moments to recover.

Authoritative, shrewd, well-informed – and at least giving the image of being experienced despite her lack of history in a court. Dere was captivating, and once he began really watching her he realized how strongly she felt – her expressions more obvious as she spoke of what happened. Subdued since she was here at court but he could see them clearly enough after their many weeks together.

He blinked and glanced away, picking up a glass of water, murmuring to himself a moment to see if poison lay in the container before he took a sip. What was he doing staring at her for so long a time? She was his councilor but what more than that was she becoming?

His head ached, it was common now – at this stage in the process of recovering his memories he suffered migraines from time to time. Usually shortly before or after he managed to recall some new scene – but now was hardly a convenient time to waltz memory lane. He had as equal a likelihood of recalling scenes from his time beyond the void as he did the years of his youth. The last thing he wanted was to fall apart in front of the entire court. He tried to focus again on what was being said, noticing his mother looking at him with concern from the corner of his eye – she realized something was amiss if no one else did.

"That will be enough for today." Odin spoke for one of very few times since the event had started – had it really been this long already? "We will break now until tomorrow, it will give me time to consider all that has been brought to the attention of the court so far. Dismissed councilors."

Algrim looked annoyed – clearly he had something else in mind to say before Odin had paused the day somewhat abrubtly. Loki stood when prompted by the guards, catching the look of concern on Dere's face as well – what was all the fuss about? He had a headache, he hadn't gone screaming about it or acting on it. Following them to the holding area where he would be kept until the crowds had cleared.

It wasn't until he sat, and noticed himself in a mirror that he realized the problem. His flesh was rippling – altering between waves of blue jotun and pale aesir. Neither form taking the forfront – he scowled at the image, holding a palm to his forehead.

"Have them fetch me a healer." Loki managed in a steady voice though the noise only heightened the uncomfortable pounding of his skull. A good thing his father had called the trial now or he might have not lasted though the event. He knew regaining his memories would be somewhat painful but this was as though someone had poured molten lead into his mind and it couldn't escape.

"Loki, are you all right?" Frigga's voice might have been comforting if she wasn't screaming.

"He is probably acting." Odin's voice this time. "Doing what he can to justify this farce."

Loki wanted to make a biting retort but all that came up was his breakfast, he at least managed to move his head to get the floor next to him and not his own lap. Illness was almost non-existant here on Asgard so he assumed it was the treatments for his memory.

"Loki." Still extremely loud the next voice was more welcome. He raised his head, moving a hand to wipe a line of spit from his jaw with his sleeve. There were two of Dere – not at all a good sign.

"I appear to be unwell, but perhaps I'm just crafting a..." His mockery of Odin was interrupted. What hadn't already escaped his gut did so now. The pain was still getting worse in his head – as if his skull might split to let go of the pressure. "...story..."

"He might be a trickster but this is unlike him, and you know that." Frigga was the one to speak on his behalf – as she'd always been. "He is ill because he demanded treatment to save his memory, they're trying to come back but the spells placed to remove them are battling each other."

"You knew better than to give him that form of magic to medicate him." Odin retorted, seeming concerned for the first time with the new knowledge.

"Could you all stop screaming?" Loki panted, rubbing his eyes in hopes he might clear the doubles he was seeing. "If you must argue with each other, do it outside. Aren't parents not suppose to argue in front of their children?"

Not that he ever wanted to claim to be Odin's child, but if it might get them to leave and stop making so much noise for a while then maybe he would be all right.

"I'll take care of him." He heard Dere reassuring just as loudly, probably his mother. At least the pair of them left but not before yelling all the way out the door. "Why is everyone shouting at the top of their lungs like drunken brutes at a party?"

"I'm not yelling Loki." Her voice wasn't as loud as before but it was still painful. He glanced at the pair of Dere's and elected to close his eyes again. "I'll try to whisper. Your brain is overloaded fighting over what it should do because of the enchantments within. We'll need to get you somewhere cold...it'll help with the effects."

"Stop..." Loki failed to grab the correct Dere's hand but she took it after a moment and his grip tightened a little. "It's painful but I want you here, and it's not safe to leave before people have been escorted out."

"No, I'll be fine, you need..."

Loki pulled her down into his lap, pausing her words as he knew it would...

"As much as I normally enjoy your voice Dere, please shut up." Loki settled his head on her shoulder, rolling his forehead over the metal shoulder blade she was forced to wear for the ceremony. She was right that the cold felt wonderful.

"Loki, you're burning up, if you don't cool down you could be seriously injured." Dere attempted to reason, the vulnerability entering her voice as it always did when he came onto her. It wasn't his intention here but it still vaguely amused him. She'd been a pillar of strength all day and him pulling her into his lap had her melting into uncertainty.

"If we leave you could be injured, I'm not all right with that. As you adeptly pointed out in the past, I am far tougher than any average citizen of Asgard. I can suffer until the crowds are cleared." Loki remarked, not considering how foolish he must look continuing to rub his face in relief on her armor.

"Loki, that could be hours." Dere still always tried to reason with him. Unlike all the rest her momentary sighs or frustrations were never overly serious. She actually didn't mind him a lot of time, what an alien concept, someone that accepted him even with his faults.

"Long as you stay here I'll be fine." He answered, opening his eyes to look at her, sated momentarily on the cool he got on his face. If he hadn't just vomited everywhere he might have kissed her...as it was he assumed he probably didn't exactly come off as sexy.

"You're an idiot Loki Odinson." Dere remarked, and even though she insulted him he knew she didn't mean it. She never meant anything negative about him...

"Perhaps I am..." He admitted, staring in confusion as she reached behind her back to start unzipping her dress. "Have I started to hallucinate?"

"Depends, what are you seeing?" She asked, moving her hands to her lower back to begin to untie her corset piercing. His brow furrowed at her.

"Well, I think you just started to undress and take apart your..."

The cool erupted into the room a moment later and his brows shot up instead, even in his muddled state it all suddenly came together. He grasped at her hands, pausing her before she could undo anymore of the ribbon at her back. Was she trying to get herself killed?

**End Chapter**

And, while I gave a really (really) big hint at the end there. I'm always up for any guesses on what people think it means. (I've dropped a few hints over the chapters XD). Anyway. Yay, I liked the last half of this chapter! Back on track maybe?

_-Aura_

To my reviewers:


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:** _**Seal**_

"_Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you. That I'm in love with you. You, soft and only, you, lost and lonely, you..."_

**-The Cure****_, Just Like Heaven Lyrics_**

_**Loki:**_

_"You should get some rest Loki." My mother's words were kind, but I could hear the underlying concern. "You've barely slept in weeks."_

_"I am not tired." It wasn't an honest answer, but then people rarely expected those from me. I hadn't rested much because I'd become obsessed with research into the field of dampening magical auras. It wasn't one I'd held much interest in prior to this but events of a month before had left me seeking out some sort of resolution._

_I had been waiting one night for Dere, in the pasture where we oft would rendezvous. I knew Thor had come and argued with me then challenged her to show him magic. It was later I was told she'd tried to use a spell beyond her capability – not a mere illusion but an alteration of physical form on a grand scale. I'd been knocked out during the event, and we were all lucky Odin happened to be nearby when her magic went awry or none of us may have survived._

_"It won't make Dere any better if you get ill. You know as well as I she wouldn't want you to come to harm for her sake." My mother commented, she always knew where to push but I shook my head._

_"It won't make her any better if someone is not working on a resolution to the problem." I replied, not even looking up from where I was jotting down some thoughts – various new things I wanted to do to augment the design I'd already crafted. Something to offer Dere the freedom to at least leave the isolated area they had to keep her. _

_"You will figure it out Loki, you've already come very far – many of the healers have said you have a talent for this – that you would do well to study our medicine. Given your skill with magic as well you could learn much." His mother tried to alter the subject slightly – she was doing what she could to keep his mind off the young courtier he had gotten it in his mind to rescue._

_"My overconfidence in the realm of sorcery is what got Dere tied up in this mess in the first place." I replied. It was unlike me to admit my mistakes so openly – to anyone other than Frigga I wouldn't at all. I knew my mother would keep my words to herself however. She probably understood more than anyone how much I wanted to help Dere._

_It'd already been over a month that she was trapped in the healing chamber that was specially built to regulate her powers. She couldn't take more than a few steps outside before the chill would begin to surround her again – somewhere in her miscast she'd fused the blizzard to her own abilities. There was no way to separate them that he was aware of, but he was certain he was close to perfecting a system by which the magic would only suppressed. She wouldn't be able to use magic – but it would let her live a normal life free of it – like anyone else. It would let us continue to meet perhaps – even if magic would no longer be something for us to share._

_"Well, it seems I will not convince you to sleep, so I'll go and ask the servants to make you some tea and sandwiches instead, try to at least eat something." Mother relented on trying to get me to rest and I only vaguely nodded to the words. I was hungry – I was also close...I only needed more details worked out before I could begin testing._

_The process would be invasive, it would take a lot of enchanted metal and a way to tie it all together at many spots about a subjects core. It could be done with things like jewelry but given those could be broken or knocked away I preferred it be a more permanent attachment. It was what eventually lead me to the idea of a piercing, one that would run the length of her back and could be tied off. If everything worked out it would retain a certain elegant aesthetic I thought fit her - while still getting the goal accomplished._

ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo – ooooo - ooooo – ooooo

"Dere..." Loki stared at her, shocked she was willing to risk her own health for his sake. He remembered enough of his plan in that brief moment before he paused her hands to realize the corset piercing on her back had been of his own design. He'd been the one to put the seal on her magical powers for certain – only he would have come up with something that would blend into her body so easily. He'd even fooled himself.

"It's all right." She reassured, smiling at him when he stopped her hands but moving to untie her ribbon again but he held her arms firm. "I can tolerate it for a while. I have to change the ribbon from time to time after all."

"This is already cooler." Loki retorted, frowning at her. He lacked his usual wit so distracted with the uncomfortable fire in his brain – he could still see his skin flipping between forms as if it couldn't decide on which one to hold. Finally he just muttered: "You are being obnoxiously loud, just be still."

She seemed as if she might argue, but after a moment she nodded and left the tie only partly undone so the room would remain at a lower temperature. Loki pulled her closer, enjoying the cold coming off of her now – it certainly helped him focus a bit more. Though the pain was still very present it wasn't quite as heavy. He set his head on her shoulder again but just went still this time. One of his hands subconsciously stroking her waist where he held onto her. She took enough of the edge off of the pain that he could relax – it didn't get rid of it but it altered a sharp stab to a tolerable roar.

"Loki...you really should get to the healing rooms." She murmured – it was light but he could hear it easily enough. To him it was far from a whisper. He didn't reply though, letting out a small breath when she touched his head to push some hair back from his face. His hand settling from the subconscious rub of her waist.

"Give them at least a few more minutes." He remarked, voice slurred with the oncoming sleep. He was already half unconscious when he muttered the compromise. Leaving Dere to let out another long breath of her own, she knew if she pulled away too quickly that he would notice and the argument would start all over again but she didn't really want to be in this position when his mother reentered the room.

What was she going to do with him? He was harming himself at this point – the worst possible time for him to be getting the majority of his memories back. Odin had been kind to call the exchange to a halt but Loki couldn't stand trial if he wasn't medically capable of sitting there. Already today people had called out hateful slurs and remarks when his skin had begun to turn blue. For a people that seemed to claim it was their duty to keep the peace they were very quick to judge him for his parentage.

Yet, as she watched him in his sleep – even if he did sort of smell at the moment – she couldn't help but smile to herself. He was not the ghoul that everyone would claim him, the only atrocious behavior she'd witnessed that day was from Asgard's citizen's and not it's rightful Prince.

"I wonder if he has the slightest idea I consider him more gallant than goblin." Dere thought to herself, knowing she was better off not telling him her true feelings. She pet a few more strands of hair back from his face and leaned closer to kiss his forehead, glad he didn't wake from the contact. It was probably the only time she'd have the chance to show the affection she felt.

_(Currently as far as my fiction is.)_


End file.
